fatherhood

February 20 2020

Jared Conti unpacks his poem “Ah, Fatherhood” for #CreativeThursday

Last week we featured Jared Conti’s poem, “Ah, Fatherhood” for our Creative Thursday post – this week – we get to hear from Jared as he talks about it! Check out the poem here.

February 13 2020

Ah, Fatherhood – A Poem by Jared Conti for #CreativeThursday

Ah, Fatherhood

wake, in the wee hours of the night

horrors of the hours

the lack of sleep

keeping, creeping

spine

of which the books

don’t bother with the bullshit

folks do not fiddle

with the fallacy of fatherhood

the frailty

the finality

fizzing out

and fruit

not falling far

from the tree

this little guy

the apple of my eye

has gone tart

and mealy

and his mother and I

not much touchy-feely

forbidden, bottom of the midden

diapers piled high

*sigh*

January 22 2019

MMC 49 | No More Mr. Nice Guy | Josh Hatcher| Manlihood ManCast

In this episode of the Manlihood Mancast, Josh Hatcher talks about the difference between Nice and Kind.

Got kids? Listen, to father a child is simple. Anyone with the right equipment can impregnate a woman.

But that does not mean that fatherhood is simple. There’s a few things you need to know about being a dad.

1. This matters. A lot.

43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]
90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behaviour, Vol 14, pp. 403-26, 1978]
71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U.S. Department of Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]
63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]
90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. [Wray Herbert, “Dousing the Kindlers,” Psychology Today, January, 1985, p. 28]
71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]
75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. [Rainbows f for all God’s Children]
85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]
Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999]

Statistics

2. Don’t just BE there, BE INVOLVED

Your kids need you to be present – but that doesn’t mean in the building, playing X-Box and yelling at them. Change diapers. Show them how to treat their mother by treating her good yourself. Tell them that you love them. Laugh with them.

3. Discipline equals freedom

This little formula for success, made popular by Jocko Willink is true. Don’t get hung up on the idea that discipline is spanking. Discipline is training. Train those kids in the path they are supposed to walk. Doing so – will ensure that they have FREEDOM in the rest of their life.

4. This is hard.

I’m not gonna lie. Being a dad is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. It’s not easy to clean up puke at 2am. It’s not easy to work two jobs to pay the bills, AND make sure that my kids feel the weight of my presence in their lives. It’s not easy to try to set an example, when what I want to do is whine and gripe.

5. But it’s worth it.

Gosh, Kids are great. Watching them grow from little beans bouncing in mom’s belly to fully grown adults, making responsible choices, and working hard and contributing to society. It’s rewarding. I’ve heard it said that kids are like arrows in the hands of a warrior. (Blessed is he whose quiver is full of them.) I draw them back, aim them, and let them fly. And sometimes we miss, but seeing them hit the mark is the most rewarding feeling I’ve ever known.

6. If you wait till you’re ready, you never will.

You’ll never be able to “afford” to have kids. Having kids isn’t something you can be ready for. What you need to do the job comes with them. Pops right out with the umbilical cord. You think you aren’t ready for this, and then the doc hands you that baby, and you feel the weight of the responsibility, and the joy and pride of making a life, and all at once, you’re given what you need.

7. You have to choose.

So, you’re handed a baby and a new name (Daddy) and you now have to choose to accept the challenge. Here’s the thing. I don’t believe that rejecting it’s an option. I mean, people DO reject it. But you shouldn’t. You choose then and there to be a father. And you make that choice, day in and day out to make sure their needs are met, that the example is set for them, that they are loved, cherished, corrected, and challenged. You have to choose it.

Want to weigh in? Comment here, or log in to our private facebook group – The Manlihood Mancave to discuss this with other men!

Want more posts on Fatherhood?
Welcome to Daddyhood Part 1
Welcome to Daddyhood Part 2
Welcome to Daddyhood Part 3

Welcome to Daddyhood Part 4

Interested in more Personal development for men? Check out our website at Manlihood.com for more info!

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January 26 2018

MMC20 – Welcome to Daddyhood – Be a Better Man

Episode 20: Welcome To Daddyhood – Part 4 – Be a Better Man

A wise man once told that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the different results.The same guy told me about the CANEI Principle. (Constant and Never Ending Improvement)

I think that all too often, as men, we don’t give any thought at all to our own self-improvement. We do our job, we come home, we go to bed, we get up – and we do it all again.

I think that it is important to understand that our children – even when they are babies, are learning from us. When we look at them – we can SEE the CANEI principle at work, right? They start off pooping and screaming, and then gradually learn to walk and talk and wipe their own butts. Soon, they are reading, building with legos, playing football, driving, dating, marrying, and parenting!

It’s important for us to try not to forget our need to improve as well! We want our little boys to grow up to be good men, who never stop improving! We want our little girls to be good women, who keep growing and maturing, right?

Part of being a good dad is to constantly be striving to be a better man.

Your kids are watching every step you take. And what they see will determine how they live the rest of their lives. Yeah – I know that’s a big challenge. If you don’t measure up – at least let them see you trying to improve.

This was originally published in January of 2015. See the full post here:

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If you want to be a better man – check out our website – Manlihood.com – for blogs, videos, and more from our Manlihood Team. Men, you can also join our private facebook group- Manlihood ManCave -where you can meet up with a band of brothers who will challenge you and help you on your journey of manhood.

This episode is produced by Hatcher Media for Manlihood.com
Our Manly theme music is from Austin Stirling and also from Mark Kroos.
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Tune in again for more of the Manlihood ManCast

January 25 2018

MMC19 – Welcome to Daddyhood – Be Proactive

Be a proactive parent

A pastor once painted a picture for me that really sunk in.

A Thermometer measures the temperature in the room. It is reactive. A Thermostat sets the temperature in the room. It is Pro-Active. Be a Thermostat.

The truth is, Dads, that we set the temperature of our homes – if we’re grumpy – everyone is grumpy. (Preaching to myself here folks!)

But more importantly – if we are reacting to the stress, if we are reacting to our kid’s mouthiness, if we are reacting to our frustrations with our wives, then we are operating in such a way that we are causing damage. We’re not supposed to measure the temperature – we’re supposed to set it!

Instead of REACTING to the stress of the situation – we need to be PROACTIVE – that means taking the time to think ahead and try to prevent it. It means when a situation occurs, our approach is to offer solutions, not complaints!

When unexpected situations do arise, how we react says everything to our kids. If they screw up, and we react by shaming them, instead of teaching them, if we react by exploding in anger, instead of correcting them, we end up creating a mess of other issues down the road.
Let’s commit to be proactive in how we parent! Let’s commit to control our emotions, rather than to be controlled BY our emotions.

This was originally published in January of 2015. See the full post here:

http://www.manlihood.com/welcome-to-daddyhood-part-3-be-pro-active/

January 25 2018

MMC18 – Welcome to Daddyhood – Be Involved

Be Involved as a father

I remember the moment when I found out that my wife was not only pregnant with one child- but with TWINS. (Those twins were born on our one year wedding anniversary – which was the Fourth of July – they are now adults!)

It was one of the scariest and most exciting moments of my life. There was no air in that little exam room when the nurse swung around the ultrasound machine, and I saw two little lumps of love on the screen.

Being a dad has been the most rewarding thing I’ve done in this life. I hope that when I die – and people talk about me, the first thing they say is, “He was such a good dad.”

I know I’ve not been a perfect father – but I am proud of how my kids are turning out. Sometimes because of me and sometimes in spite of me.

Kids need their dads to Be Involved. This means so many things – not the least of which is conversation. Have a conversation with your kids every day. Ask about their day, about their school, about their homework.

When they are too young to talk? Talk to them anyway!

(Note – Mom needs you to be involved too – change diapers, clean up messes, rock babies to sleep)

Play games, build towers, dig holes, wrestle in the floor, and jump in leaves.

Kids love and need to have fun with Dad. Be sure to include Mom in this nonsense. She might say she doesn’t have time for such things – but she needs them too!

Kids need you to be involved in the not so fun stuff too – discipline – correction – punishment.

Dad, you really need to take the LEAD in these things – rather than just ignore them and leave them for Mom to do!

This was originally published in January of 2015. See the full post here:

Welcome To Daddyhood – Part 2 – Be Involved

January 23 2018

MMC17 – Welcome to Daddyhood – Be Present

Fatherhood is one of those things that scares the living pants off many a young man. It’s really nothing to be afraid of – and yet it’s nothing to take lightly.

If I were to give advice to any dad, it’s to be present. Your children, from newborns to adults need their fathers to be present in their lives.

Even during those teen years when they act like you are the great satan – they need you to be present. In fact – I say especially during this time in their lives!

In today’s economy, it’s easy to be the dad that has to work overtime, or take a second job. It’s easy to get so busy working to provide for our family that we neglect them! What if we simplified our budgets, so that we lived within our means – and didn’t need to work so much?

(WHAT? DID HE JUST SAY THAT? Yes. I did.)

Our kids need our presence. They need to know we are here. If our job is to set an example for them – they need to actually see us live our lives – see how we react in situations – and experience life with us.

If you haven’t been living this way – it’s never too late to make a change. Let me encourage you to reach out to your kids – and carve out some time to show them love.

This was originally published in January of 2015. See the full post here:

http://www.manlihood.com/welcome-to-daddyhood-part-1-be-present/

September 11 2017

Hey Friends. It’s Okay to Be Flawed

By Kelsey Boudin

Writing is an interesting exercise. It can be rewarding. It can feel intellectually satisfying like reading a challenging book on an enlightening topic. It can also be maddening. It can feel stupefyingly complicated as you sit and stare at a blinking cursor and a handful of crappy words that sounded a lot better in your head than they look on your screen.

In that way, writing mirrors life and its many trials. Who hasn’t felt as if they were staring at a blank screen while contending with crises of faith, relationships, parenthood, career, finances, and more? What’s the next keystroke?

So I wanted my first blogpost here to offer some value while also introducing myself to the Manlihood Mancave.

For those of us looking to better ourselves as men and empower those around us, here it is: Our flaws are inevitable. We’re going to mess up despite our best efforts. We’re going to misjudge, misstep, misunderstand, misplace, misuse, misread, misspeak, misbehave, and mistake our paths through life.

We hope those times are few and far between. We hope the errant steps have minimal effect on those we care for most. We hope we’re man enough to admit when we’re wrong and make an immediate course correction.

Oh yeah, we also know no matter how hard we hope those hopes that we’ll rarely live up to our own expectations. We won’t learn our mistakes and shortcomings until after the fact, sometimes long after, sometimes after damage has been done.

But it’s OK. It’s part of being human. If we’re introspective and open to change, we can learn some of the greatest lessons of our lives. Sometimes it could take:

A DWI to accept that you have a drinking problem
Losing your job to actually stumble across the right career
Divorce to realize your attitude was part of the problem
The guilt of missing your kid’s school play to tell your boss you can’t work overtime

Sometimes it literally could take a death close to you for you to get a clue.

Being a father has cast a glaring spotlight on my own shortcomings. Even still, it can be difficult to make significant changes. It’s easy to rationalize or make excuses for when and why I choose pleasure over responsibility.

But there’s a flipside. In acknowledging my mistakes and vices, it’s also easier to realize and appreciate my successes. I guess, there’s a silver lining to messing up and being foolish sometimes.

Here’s to personal growth. May you find yours.

Marriage - Masculinity - Manhood, Manlihood

June 13 2017

Love Your Wife More Than You Love Yourself – Part 2

Study her.

How well do you know her? I know that now that my wife and I are approaching the time in our life when we’ve been together longer than apart, I know her well. Very well. I can walk in the room, and without a word, I can tell what she’s thinking, or how she’s feeling. (Not always, of course – women, after all, are always mysterious and surprising sometimes.)

As we get older, this relationship changes and morphs. It’s not just physical or emotional. It’s spiritual.

I am not saying we are a perfect example – we frustrate each other and annoy each other all the time. But I can tell you that for almost 20 years, I’ve studied her.

When we were dating – we started out asking each other questions. When we were engaged, we read books together about marriage -and went through THREE different premarital counseling courses. We knew we were getting married young and making what everyone else thought was a bad decision – so we wanted to make sure we were well equipped to face it.

So we started off with a really strong foundation.

As we have progressed in our relationship – I’ve always tried to be attentive to her. She thinks I don’t pay attention – but I do. Sometimes I choose NOT to do the thing that she wants me to do – for any number of reasons. But in general, I want to KNOW this woman I married.

In the bedroom, I know what she likes.
In the kitchen, I know what she likes.

If you want to know how to study and learn your wife, I highly recommend you read the book “The 5 Love Languages” as a starting place.

It breaks down the different ways that people love, and it will help you understand her, and how to communicate with her.