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I’ve been very fortunate to have a good dad, who raised me well.
Not everyone has that luxury. Not everyone has a good example, and so they often find themselves scratching their heads wondering how to be a better man, without a good father figure to use as a template. Here’s my advice for those guys.


Last week we talked about living in community with other men – make sure that part of that involves inviting younger men that you can mentor. Men that need an example. I’ve found that often – the healing is in the helping – and the learning is in the teaching.

Sometimes, just being there for someone else, having someone count on you, is the missing ingredient to becoming a man yourself.   

Being a mentor doesn’t involve deliberately saying, “Hey, let me mentor you!” It just means you invite someone into your life to be a friend, and make sure you model a good example to the best of your ability, and you answer questions and offer advice when it’s appropriate.

I have a lot of young men tell me, “Man, I just don’t have any friends my own age!” And they utter it with an disgust and a longing for community. I explain to them, Listen – as you become a man, you realize that your friends are often five to ten years old, and five to ten years younger. Make it a point to learn from the older ones, and teach the younger ones!

That being said – no relationship is ever only one way. Sometimes you’ll learn from the younger ones, and the older ones will learn from you.

I’ve been very fortunate to have a good dad, who raised me well.
Not everyone has that luxury. Not everyone has a good example, and so they often find themselves scratching their heads wondering how to be a better man, without a good father figure to use as a template. Here’s my advice for those guys.

Last week we talked about mentorship – but mentorship doesn’t always have to involve another person and relationships. There’s a lot that you can learn from simply reading.

Find non-fiction books about the areas of your life that need to improve, and read!

Too broke to buy them? Quit making excuses. Used books on Amazon or Amazon kindle books are cheap. Library books are free!

Read a biography or autobiography of a man you admire – Abe Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Bear Grylls, Von Dutch. Whoever it is that inspires you – read about them, read their words. Learn. Grow.

Here’s some books that I’ve read lately that I highly recommend.

I’ve been very fortunate to have a good dad, who raised me well.

Not everyone has that luxury. Not everyone has a good example, and so they often find themselves scratching their heads wondering how to be a better man, without a good father figure to use as a template. Here’s my advice for those guys.


First of all, find a mentor. That’s not an easy task, because you don’t just walk up to a random old dude and say, “Will you be my mentor?”

Mentorship happens organically, and you can’t just force it. Many men don’t even know HOW to mentor, and often mentor others by accident. It’s not a mentor’s responsibility to mentor, it’s the responsibility of the mentee to seek mentorship and appropriate it.

So – start by looking at the other men in your life. Are there any men that you want to be like? Any men that you admire? Start spending time with them. Start asking them questions.  

If there aren’t any in your life – or anyone that you can identify – then start locating where those men would be. Maybe they gather at the Rotary Club, or the Vets club, or the golf course, or the church. I don’t know who you admire, or what qualities you want in your life, but I know that an ancient proverb says that “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
Find men that are doing what you do only better, and find how you can learn from them.
I’ve found that simply just asking questions is a great way to be mentored. And I get more and better answers if I spend time with people, and contribute to the friendship.

Commitment is value that every man needs to understand. It really defines the heart of what true manhood is. Are you a man known for commitment? Can others describe you as a committed man? In this blog series, we’ll explore the idea of commitment, and what it means to your life.

Freud was the son of a Jewish merchant who had to move his whole family to Vienna because he couldn’t get work. He, as a boy, had to watch his father be mocked and abused on the street for being Jewish… You develop a thick skin and you develop a certain kind of wit to defend yourself.

Viggo Mortensen

A thick skin is a gift from God.

Konrad Adenauer

When you’re onstage and you know you’re bombing, that’s very, very scary. Because you know you gotta keep going – you’re bombing, but you can’t stop. And you know that half an hour from now, you’re still gonna be bombing. It takes a thick skin.

Christopher Walken

Listen, men. When you make a commitment, whether that commitment is a relationship, or an employment position, or a commitment to a personal goal – there are going to be words thrown at you.

And I don’t care how tough you are – words can hurt (and conversely, can heal.)

If you want your commitment to stick, to work… you have to be able to sift through the words that come at you, and sort them in the right piles.

The first thing is to make sure that the words don’t cut straight through to your core. If you are easily offended, or sensitive, it might not be so easy.

I find that I have to have a verbal conversation with myself sometimes – and put on my “sorting hat” to review the words that are said to me or about me.

It starts by evaluating the statement, and asking, “Is there truth in this?” and if so – I have to respond or apply to the truth. Then I have to ask, “Is this meant to hurt or help me?” and then deal with it accordingly.

But if I roam around like a landmine, waiting for someone to step on my little tender heart and make me explode, then I will not be able to stick with my commitments.

Thick skin isn’t just put on – it’s developed, it’s grown. And I think that happens when we learn to separate ourselves from the conversations and deal with them with our emotions put aside for a little bit. Our skin gets stronger and stronger as we do that.