Remember that 90’s RnB Group Boys II Men? Yeah. They were great. That has nothing to do with what we’re talking about though. What we’re talking about is common behaviors that should have died off when a boy became a man.
Today we’re going to talk about RUNNING YOUR MOUTH.
Loose lips sink ships. This is not only true about accidentally spilling government secrets – but about the power of talking too much.
I think the key to keeping our speech at a minimum is learning to T.H.I.N.K. before we speak!
T – is it True?
H – is it Helpful?
I – is it Inspiring?
N – is it Necessary?
K – is it Kind?
So often, the speaking we do can tear people down, not build them up. It can reveal more details than we should. It can create an image in the minds of others about us that push them away from us. It can create self-defeat, by establishing a negative attitude in ourselves!
Boys don’t think before they speak. Men carefully use their words to bring life.
“the difference between the old and the new education being) in a word, the old was a kind of propagation – men transmitting manhood to men; the new is merely propaganda.” C.S. Lewis, The Abolition of Man
Remember that 90’s RnB Group Boys II Men? Yeah. They were great. That has nothing to do with what we’re talking about though. What we’re talking about is common behaviors that should have died off when a boy became a man.
This week we’re going to talk about WASTING TIME.
When we are young – time seems to move slower. My friend Mike McAvoy says that life is like a roll of toilet paper – and it goes faster the closer you get to the end of the roll. Now – Mike is a preacher, not a physicist – but it seems to make sense enough to me.
There is nothing wrong with boys who spend their vast amount of slow-moving time tossing baseballs around, or playing cops and robbers, or building with plastic blocks, or catching fish.
But when a boy becomes a man – and his time starts to move faster – his time becomes currency. And a man uses his currency and his time wisely.
Does that mean he abandons all leisure pursuits? Certainly not! It’s perfectly acceptable for a man to sit on a shore with a hook in the water, waiting for a fish.
But what it does mean is that he is intentional with his time. Every minute spent is used for a greater purpose. Leisure is not about wasting time – but rather about recharging yourself spiritually, physically and mentally. We use our leisure as an investment in ourselves and in our families.
If we make it a point to manage our time, we find ourselves less stressed, and more productive.
This article is directed toward young men. Do you know what hard work is? Or what it means? Too many people nowadays don’t realize how important it is. If you expect things to get handed to you, you are in for a very difficult life. And if you have that entitled mindset, you will be severely disappointed and will waste several years of your life wondering why you haven’t been successful.
There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen; those who watch things happen; and those who say “What happened?” There are those who create the path, those who walk the path that was already paved, and those who sit around and never see a path. There is no substitute for hard work. You need to have confidence in yourself and you can’t be afraid to fail. Every failure gets you one step closer to success. Michael Jordan, the great NBA star, always said, “The reason I have been so successful is because I have failed so many times.” Don’t be afraid of failure. Have a dream, and get out there, work your butt off, and make that dream come true no matter what.
Everybody has a gift. You may not know what it is yet, but you have one. Your gift is the thing you do best with the least amount of effort. What are you passionate about? Whatever it is, get out there and work as hard as you can possibly work and do not let anybody’s opinion about you or your dream stop you. You can do anything you put your mind to. You just have to believe and keep working and working. Make sure you NEVER make excuses. They are a sign of weakness. Take responsibility for your actions and continually strive to be the best you are capable of becoming. You can do it, but you have to work your butt off to do it. Are you willing to work harder than you ever worked before to become who you want to be? That’s a question you need to seriously consider because if you aren’t willing to put in the work, you won’t get the results you are looking for.
Remember that 90’s RnB Group Boys II Men? Yeah. They were great. That has nothing to do with what we’re talking about though. What we’re talking about is common behaviors that should have died off when a boy became a man.
This week we’re talking about FIGHTING.
Certainly – there is a time and a place for that glorious moment that a bully or a tyrant receive a blow to the nose. I firmly believe that when people say, “Violence is never the answer” they forget that there are things worth fighting for – and there are people who need to be corrected with physical force.
But we’re not talking about fighting for a greater purpose. We’re talking about the schoolyard scrapping, and drunken brawls, and incessant need to win every argument – whether by force or sheer ego.
Many times people fight for the sake of proving their strength. Real men do not need such victories to define their worth.
If I’m minding my own business, and a man physically assaults me, I’m going to defend myself, and I’m going to do what it takes to win. But fighting and arguing and winning should never be what drives me, or motivates me.
A man should be secure enough in his self and in his own strength that he doesn’t need to pick fights and push his way to the top.
When I was a boy – I had to fight almost every day. I was bullied and pushed around. There were times when my fights were to protect myself, and times when my fights were to prove myself. I wish that I could have understood that I didn’t need to prove myself with my fists… or for that matter, with my arguments.
The truth is – you can be right, and you can be better than everyone else in the room, without it mattering whether or not everyone knows it.
Boys fight to prove their worth. Men know their worth, and only fight to protect and defend.
Tune in next week for Part 3 of “What Boys Do…” – Waste Time
“Ever since I arrived to a state of manhood, I have felt a sincere passion for liberty. The history of nations doomed to perpetual slavery, in consequence of yielding up to tyrants their natural born liberties, I read with a sort of philosophical horror; so that the first systematical and bloody attempt at Lexington, to enslave America, thoroughly electrified my mind, and fully determined me to take part with my country.” Ethan Allen
Remember that 90’s RnB Group Boys II Men? Yeah. They were great. That has nothing to do with what we’re talking about though. What we’re talking about is common behaviors that should have died off when a boy became a man.
The first one of those behaviors? Whining
Obviously – men do this. It is a behavior that didn’t just “die” with the onset of manhood – but it should.
I don’t think that identifying something that is wrong and needs to be repaired is the same thing as whining. It’s okay to identify a need, talk about solutions, and then implement solutions.
Now that we’ve established that- let’s talk about whining.
Boys who don’t get their way complain about it.
Men learn to deal with it, and find solutions to problems.
Life isn’t fair. It’s true, and you still have to deal with it. Whining about it rarely levels the playing field, but learning to rise above it is the ultimate reward.
Harvey Mackay
Firmness in enduring and exertion is a character I always wish to possess. I have always despised the whining yelp of complaint and cowardly resolve.
Robert Burns
The tendency to whining and complaining may be taken as the surest sign symptom of little souls and inferior intellects.
Francis Jeffrey
If you want to behave like a man – you won’t whine. Complaining changes nothing but other’s attitudes about you.
Tune in next week for Part 2 of “What Boys Do…” – Fight.
It seems that over the years – there has become a negative connotation attached to the word “leadership.” It’s not a dirty word – and it’s a skill that can make a man and his surroundings better.
I think the reason people tend to view leadership in a negative light is because some people have executed it badly in the past. Being in a leadership position is a responsibility, and a privilege. It’s about serving the people you lead, not barking orders and making them serve you.
As a leader – there are limits to your leadership.
1. Your first limit is you. You can only lead people to places you have gone. That means you need to raise this limit, by constantly learning and developing. If you want your people to be better at customer service – then you must read about and learn about and practice customer service at a level higher than the best of your people.
2. You cannot have expectations without communication.
The level with which you communicate will determine the level at which you can lead. Every person beneath you should have a written job description, which spells out what is expected of them. You should also have a written job description that spells out what they should expect of you. If at any time these descriptions change – make sure it is communicated clearly and in writing.
Remember that communication by definition does not exist if it does not have a transmitter and a receiver. Your mouth is your transmitter – their BRAIN is the receiver. That means you may be sending it to their ears – but if they don’t receive that communication – then it by definition – doesn’t exist. Find ways to make sure your staff can reiterate what your expectations are.
3. You cannot show disrespect.
This is a limit you cannot cross. If your staff has violated or not met your expectations – then you need to have a clear method to deal with it. “You didn’t perform X as requested. This is the consequence. There is not a need to raise your voice, to insult, to get physical, to show anger. Deal with it swiftly, fairly, and honestly. You may be “the jerk” in the situation – and part of leadership is accepting that not everyone will like the decisions you make… but there is no room for insults, gossip, and disrespect.
4. You are limited by the amount of responsibility you are willing to take.
This is a hard thing for a leader to grasp today. Your success and failure IS the success and failure of your people. If your employee fails – you have failed. It’s not “their fault” for screwing up – it’s “your fault” for not providing proper training, accountability, or whatever the case may be. Be sure to remember that leadership takes the responsibility of their team. It BEARS the responsibility of their team.
5. You are limited by the praise you dole out.
If you are not the most positive and encouraging person on your team – then that is a limit you will hit. We just talked about responsibility – and while that success gets credited to you – it’s up to you to pass it along to your people. That may come in form of bonuses, thank you notes, kind words, or pizza. 🙂
It seems that over the years – there has become a negative connotation attached to the word “leadership.” It’s not a dirty word – and it’s a skill that can make a man and his surroundings better.
There’s an old verse of scripture that seems to apply (whether you believe in it or not). He that is faithful with little will be given much.
I think that our first leadership role is to lead ourselves. Are we disciplined with our finances, our health, our time, our relationships? If not, where do we start? If so, how do we improve and take things to the next level?
I’d encourage you to make a personal development plan.
1. Identify area of your life that you know needs work.
2. Set a 1 week, 1 month, 1 quarter, 1 year, and 5 year goal for that area. Make them Specific. Write them Down. Post them in a visual place to remind yourself!
3. Identify four or five books that you will read to help you with that area.
4. Identify three or four blogs to follow that will help you.
5. Identify a mentor who seems to have success in that area – and ask them for advice. Offer to buy them lunch, and then make a list of questions to ask them.
6. Find three or four friends with a similar struggle – and meet once a week or once a month to encourage each other.
7. Evaluate your goals each time you hit those milestones, and make adjustments to stay on track!
Stay tuned for next week! We’ll be sharing “Leadership isn’t a dirty word: Leadership has limits”
It seems that over the years – there has become a negative connotation attached to the word “leadership.” It’s not a dirty word – and it’s a skill that can make a man and his surroundings better.
Part of the negative connotation comes from people who have done leadership poorly. It’s important to understand that leadership is not lordship.
Leadership is a sacred privilege. It is not a right that makes one man higher and better than another. It’s a responsibility to influence people.
It’s important not to exploit our roles as leaders – so that we can lead effectively, and lead well. Too often, our positions become corrupted by selfishness, laziness, or just a lack of skill.
And skill is at the heart of leadership. We often talk of “born leaders” – and maybe some are born with a certain level of skill – but anyone can develop the skills that make a good leader.
Want some good resources on honing those skills? Check out John Maxwell’s Blog. http://www.johnmaxwell.com/blog
Stay tuned for next week! We’ll be sharing “Leadership isn’t a dirty word: Leading from the backseat”
