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We talked about this briefly a couple weeks ago. The words you speak have power – and they affect what happens in your life!

Passive people don’t bother watching what they say. They just let their mouth run on and on, unbridled – with no attempts to correct themselves. These are the kinds of words that come out of the mouth of passive men.

1. Gossip
Talking about someone else’s business – whether it is true or not is gossip. I’m amazed at how much men gossip! We’re as bad as womenfolk at the hairdresser sometimes! Bottom line is – if it’s not your business – then you should not be talking about it!

2. Anger
There is a time and a place for anger. It’s a valid emotion, and there are proper ways to express it. But often – we are angry about one thing – and then we snap at others for things we should not. Are you snippy like a dog toward the people that love you? Are you constantly offended? Are you a powder keg of bitterness just waiting to blow up on someone?

3. Criticism
We hate it when people tell us how to do our job – but we’re often full of criticism toward others. We ride our kids about their grades, their appearance, their chores. We gripe about our wives, we complain about our jobs and or bosses, and our employees. Their work and effort is never enough.

The truth is we need to replace these words with the kind of words that make a positive difference! Here are the alternatives.

• Conflict Resolution

Don’t just complain and gossip about people. If you have a problem with them – go to them and work it out. If it’s not worth going to them – then you need to drop it and let it go. (and not just hold on to it!)

2. Forgive and Be Patient.
   Instead of being angry – we need to forgive people who wrong us – whether they think they wronged us or not. Being angry with them will not change them…. but forgiveness will change YOU.

   Also – be patient with people. We are all imperfect, and we all bump up against each other sometimes. Be patient. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

3. Praise

Offer encouragement and praise when someone does something right! It’s okay to offer correction in some circumstances- but instead of being critical and judgmental – just try to encourage the GOOD!  When you die – your family will remember the words you have spoken. Do you want them to remember all the times you told them how to stack the plates? Or do you want them to remember how good you made them feel when they did something right?

Passive people don’t bother controlling their mouths. They let their mouths control THEM. Make it a point to think before you speak!

We hinted at it last week when we talked about being positive… but it’s worth spending a little more time on!

Your mind is a powerful thing. I’m not talking about Uri Gellar spoon bending stuff. I’m talking about the fact that what you think about affects your actions and your behaviors.

What we need is mind-control – more accurately – self-control.

If you think about something, you’ll be drawn to it. That hot girl at work? Fantasize about her, and you’ll be drawn to her. That cigarette? That donut? Yeah.

Thoughts pop into our head, and then we chose to reject them, or entertain them.
“Sit down and stay awhile! Have a cup of coffee!”

I guess what we need to do is treat some of our thoughts like door to door salesmen. If someone comes to your door and asks if he can come inside and throw some dirt on your floor to demonstrate his vaccuum cleaner – you would probably tell him “No thanks! See you later!”

And yet – if a friend stopped by with a meatloaf and wanted to visit – we’d say “Come on in!”

We need to stop being PASSIVE about what thoughts can take residence in our head.

Here’s a good checklist.

Is it true?
Is it honorable?
Is it just?
Is it pure?
Is it caring?
Is it commendable?
Is it good?
Is it worth sharing?

A PASSIVE mind let’s itself be raped and abused by thoughts that don’t belong there.
Do your thoughts say harsh and cruel things about yourself? Do they say harsh and cruel things about others? Are they full of anger and spite? Are they full of illicit sex? Are they selfish?

If so – chances are good that whatever you LET in your head will eventually come OUT in your life.

Don’t let those kinds of thoughts settle in. Kick them out. Replace them with GOOD thoughts.

Tune in Next Week, for The Perils of Passivity:  Watch your mouth!
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Passivity is really a crappy substitute for manhood. But it’s as common as facial hair on a hipster, or salmon-breath on a grizzly bear.

Passive men will let life happen to them. They will say, “Whatever!” when faced with a decision – they will let their wives and kids make and break the rules of their home.

Be Aggressive  –

Take charge of YOUR life – and lead yourself. Hunt out the holes in your integrity, and patch them up. Set goals and crush them. Determine your path – and run it like a stinking clydesdale.

but don’t be Passive-Aggressive – this is the opposite of what we’re shooting for:

pas·sive-ag·gres·sive

adjective

is the indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, sarcasm, stubbornness, sullenness, or deliberate or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible. ( Read more at Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggressive_behavior )

This is what happens when someone tries to be aggressive – but misses the point. Aggression has a negative connotation – so we want to clarify – unless you are physically protecting yourself or your family from harm – aggressiveness should not be directed toward people.

Be Assertive –

It’s probably a better word than aggressive when it comes to dealing with PEOPLE.

Do not let your boss, your spouse, your kids, your neighbors, or anyone push you around or walk all over you. This does not mean you need to be a butt-hole – but you may need to draw some clear lines for the people in your life.

Want to do it right? Communicate expectations clearly, and consistently. People cannot treat you the way you want them to treat you unless you tell them HOW to treat you.

Be Positive –

Eyeore will NEVER be on top – why? because he’s a sad-sack-hack full of sawdust and complaints.

You’ve got to use positive words. Because they are like magic.
It’s the kind of magic carved into the universe since the beginning of time.

You doubt it?

Ancient Hebrew Poetry (The Book of Proverbs) says this: Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Actually – not to preach at you, but the Bible, and many other ancient “holy” texts speak volumes about the fact that the words we speak and the thoughts we entertain will determine the actions we take.

My friend Mike McAvoy says (He probably stole it from someone)

“Your Attitude determines your Altitude”

Meaning that the attitude is the angle of the nose in an airplane – and the altitude is how high it goes!

Instead of dragging yourself and everyone around you down with negative words (I can’t /You always… / I hate…  / I’ll never…  ) then start filling it with positivity!

Tune in Next Week, for The Perils of Passivity:  What you think – you ARE
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