Don’t Bench Yourself: Why Men Check Out and How to Get Back in the Game with Kent Evans | Manhood Journey
Too many men are stepping away from their responsibilities when they should be stepping up. In today’s world, where distractions are endless and challenges seem overwhelming, it’s easy for men to withdraw from their roles as husbands, fathers, and leaders. But that’s not the answer.
In this episode of Manlihood, I sit down with Kent Evans, co-founder of Manhood Journey, to talk about why men sideline themselves, how to stay engaged in life’s biggest battles, and why learning from other men is the key to real growth. Kent shares insights from his book, Don’t Bench Yourself, where he outlines the major reasons men check out—fear, shame, criticism, and impatience—and provides a roadmap for getting back in the game.
If you’ve ever felt like giving up, struggling to stay present as a father, husband, or leader, or dealing with the pressure of responsibility, this article—and this conversation—is for you.
Who is Kent Evans?
Kent Evans is the Executive Director and co-founder of Manhood Journey, a ministry dedicated to helping fathers become disciple-makers. After a 20-year career in business leadership, he shifted his focus to guiding men in their spiritual and practical growth as fathers and mentors.
He’s the author of several books, including Don’t Bench Yourself and Wise Guys: Unlocking Hidden Wisdom from the Men Around You, and has been featured as a speaker at men’s conferences, churches, and leadership events worldwide.
Kent’s work has impacted nearly two million dads through books, podcasts, courses, and speaking engagements. He and his wife, April, have been married for over 25 years and have five sons and one daughter-in-law.
Learn More About Kent Evans and Manhood Journey
📚 Get Don’t Bench Yourself – Click Here
🌐 Visit Manhood Journey – Click Here
📖 Check out Kent’s other books – Click Here
🐦 Follow Kent on Twitter – Click Here
Why Do Men Bench Themselves?
Many men struggle with the temptation to disengage when life gets difficult. Rather than facing challenges head-on, they check out, choosing distractions over responsibilities. In Don’t Bench Yourself, Kent identifies four primary reasons why men sideline themselves:
1. Fear: The Paralysis That Holds Men Back
Fear is one of the biggest reasons men step back instead of stepping up. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of responsibility—these anxieties can keep men from pursuing their purpose.
Kent shares a personal story about feeling intimidated by high-speed pitches in baseball. The fear of stepping up to the plate made him want to sit on the bench. But he learned that facing fear, even if it meant striking out at first, was the only way to grow.
Fear can make men retreat, whether it’s in their careers, marriages, or relationships with their children. Instead of letting fear dictate their actions, men need to lean in and push through.
2. Shame: The Guilt That Keeps Men Stuck
Shame often follows failure. Many men make mistakes, whether in their marriage, parenting, or work, and instead of learning from them, they let shame define them.
Kent shares an example of a time his son was afraid to tell him something because he feared his reaction. That realization forced him to reflect on how his own actions were creating a culture of fear in his home. Rather than letting shame take over, Kent chose to own his mistakes and make a change.
Shame can either paralyze men or propel them forward. The key is recognizing past failures, taking responsibility, and moving forward rather than dwelling on them.
3. Criticism: The Weight of Other People’s Opinions
Whether it’s from family, coworkers, or even strangers on the internet, criticism can feel overwhelming. Many men allow negative feedback—real or imagined—to stop them from taking action.
Kent discusses how some criticism is actually helpful, providing constructive feedback that can make men better. However, there’s also destructive criticism that discourages and paralyzes men.
The difference lies in how a man processes it:
- Wise men learn from constructive criticism.
- Foolish men allow negative voices to dictate their decisions.
4. Impatience: The Desire for Quick Results
Many men start new habits or attempt to make changes but give up too quickly. If they don’t see results immediately, they assume they’ve failed.
Kent explains that growth is a slow and steady process. Just like training for a marathon or developing a skill, real transformation takes time. Whether it’s building a relationship with your kids, improving your marriage, or advancing in your career, patience is key.
How to Get Off the Bench and Back in the Game
It’s easy to step away from responsibilities, but it’s never too late to get back in the game. Kent outlines four steps to re-engage and take action:
1. Call It Out: Recognize Where You’ve Checked Out
The first step is honest self-reflection. Ask yourself:
- Where have I been avoiding responsibility?
- Have I been disengaged as a husband or father?
- What areas of my life am I neglecting?
You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge. Recognizing the problem is the first step toward change.
2. Make It Right: Take Responsibility and Fix What You Can
Once you identify where you’ve fallen short, take action. If you’ve neglected your marriage, have a conversation with your wife. If you’ve been distant from your kids, spend intentional time with them.
Small, consistent efforts create lasting change.
3. Leave It Behind: Stop Letting the Past Define You
Once you’ve owned up to your mistakes and started making amends, let go of past failures. Don’t let guilt or regret keep you from moving forward.
Learn from the past, but don’t live in it.
4. Let It Transform: Use Your Experience to Grow
The ultimate goal isn’t just to get back in the game—it’s to become a better man because of what you’ve learned.
Every challenge, failure, and hardship can either break you or build you into a stronger, wiser man. Choose to let it shape you for the better.
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As always, I love you, I’m proud of you, and I’ll see you next time!
