general manliness

In our culture today – there is a rampant “victim mentality” – and while we don’t want to take away the legitimate issues that a real victim of a crime or abuse faces – we think somehow people have used their status as victim as a cop out, or invented reasons to identify as a victim.

This was something hard for me to learn. A decade ago, I felt pretty entitled. I felt I “deserved” a lot of things. And as a result, I wasn’t as grateful as I should have been for what I really did receive from others.

I think I damaged a lot of friendships doing this.

I’m not sure when things changed – and I can’t say that they have changed all the way across the board, but I can say that my attitude is different, and looking back on who I was, there is definitely a part of me that has been left back there – and I’m glad for it.

What I can tell you is this. No one owes you anything. If we live our lives expecting people to hand us anything, we’ll not only alienate all of our friends, but we’ll create a situation where our value is puffed up and manufactured, and not based on our actual value. When something goes wrong, when crisis comes, we are left feeling bankrupt.

Instead of viewing yourself as “owed” – let’s make a point to fight back those feelings and replace them with a gratitude for those that WE owe….

The truth is – no matter how “self-made” you think you are, you are really made by many who have invested in your life.
Be known as a thankful and grateful person… and be known as the person that is investing in others to build them up, as well. It’s your way of paying back the debt that others have invested in you.

In our culture today – there is a rampant “victim mentality” – and while we don’t want to take away the legitimate issues that a real victim of a crime or abuse faces – we think somehow people have used their status as victim as a cop out, or invented reasons to identify as a victim.

I have no idea who came up with the phrase “Stinking Thinking” but it’s so true.

How we think determines the direction we go.

In aviation – the term “altitude” refers to the distance you fly above the earth. The term “attitude” refers to the direction the nose of the plan is pointed. Your ATTITUDE determines your ALTITUDE.

The fastest way to change your attitude is to start changing what you think about.

That probably sounds easier than it is – but I’ve found that your brain is like a muscle – and the more you use it, the stronger it gets.

Start by determining what the truth is, and then repeat it to yourself. Outloud if you have to.

“I can do this.”
“I am not worthless.”
“I have a problem, but I’m going to beat this.”
“I don’t need that piece of pizza.”
“I have everything I need to be happy.”

Put good thoughts in.

Whether or not you are a Christian – this scripture is relevant.

Philippians 4:8 “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

In our culture today – there is a rampant “victim mentality” – and while we don’t want to take away the legitimate issues that a real victim of a crime or abuse faces – we think somehow people have used their status as victim as a cop out, or invented reasons to identify as a victim.

Is your heart in the right place?
“I feel…”

These are two of the most overused words in the english language. Try to eliminate them from your vocabulary, unless you are literally talking about your feelings.

Feelings are great, and they have a purpose, but it’s certainly not to guide your life. Whoever said, “Follow your heart” was a fool. Your “heart” is your emotional center. Emotions have a great purpose – to allow us to enjoy life, to mourn loss, to have a tangible way to experience love – but feelings are fickle, and they are not meant to be the guiding force in our life.

You might feel like you’re defeated.
It’s okay to feel that way.
It’s not okay to let those feelings keep you on the ground while the ref is counting to ten. Get up, and keep fighting.

You might feel like your wife doesn’t love you any more, or like you don’t love her anymore.
I can’t deny that those feelings exist.
But I can say that love is a choice, not a puddle you fall in. Get up and keep fighting! Love is an action that you CHOOSE to do. I’ve found when you exercise that action, the feelings often return.
You might feel like the whole world is against you.
And it might just be.
but since when is that an excuse to stop standing firm in your convictions?

Don’t follow your heart. Lead your heart.
Make decisions based on wise counsel, and with common sense, and with your guiding moral compass, and with your convictions.

The heart follows wherever it is led. It swings back and forth like a pendulum. Just embrace that, learn to laugh and cry when you should, and don’t expect those emotions to be a roadmap to your destination.

Do you want to be a victor instead of a victim? Then put your feelings in the proper place.

In our culture today – there is a rampant “victim mentality” – and while we don’t want to take away the legitimate issues that a real victim of a crime or abuse faces – we think somehow people have used their status as victim as a cop out, or invented reasons to identify as a victim.

Who are you?
This question means so much. There is so much talk these days about “identity” – Gender identity issues aside, as a man, you need to know your identity. Know what it is that defines you.

If your history as a bullied child defines you, then you are a victim.
If your history as a sex-abuse victim defines you, then you are a victim.
If your poverty defines you, then you are a victim.
If your race, ethnic background, or physical attributes are “holding you back” – then you are a victim.

Regardless of whether or not we can legitimately be classified as a victim is the simple truth that we choose our mindset, and we choose our trajectory.

That starts by knowing WHO you are, and where you are in your life. Be honest with yourself, the good and the bad.

You can choose to remain a victim, or you can choose to be a victor. Make the victor your identity. Choose to identify not as someone wounded and hurt, but as someone who is overcoming that hurt. Don’t identify with your current circumstance, but rather with your pre-determined outcome.