As I pursue personal development and helping other men with their personal development, I like to read books, and often excerpts of books. I recently read a really interesting excerpt and “cliff notes” of a book called “Leadership and Self-deception.”
It’s a really challenging premise…. That YOU (or “I”) have a problem that is keeping us from leading well, or succeeding. The biggest part of that problem is that we can’t see it. We have convinced ourselves that we don’t HAVE a problem. That other people are the problem. We have convinced ourselves that we are doing well, when sometimes, often, we are not performing anywhere NEAR our potential. The book contends that while many problems we might be able to self identify… Self deception keeps us from really seeing many of our issues clearly. I think the solution is to make sure there are people in your life that you trust that can challenge you, ask you the hard questions, and tell you the truth. A good friend, mentor or leader can do it in a way that doesn’t heap shame, but rather brings the encouragement to change and grow. Unfortunately, these are often the people that we avoid. No one wants to hear they are failing. No one wants to be called out. No one likes hearing about their failures, or being told the things they believe about themselves is a lie.
I’m here to tell you, there are times in my life that I have listened to those friends and mentors, saw my flaws and dealt with them. There are also times I pushed people away or isolated myself and didn’t listen to feedback from others.
I know that the end result of listening to others was growth in my life. It transformed the way I think and the way I performed.
I know that isolation only amplified my problems. In fact, in those times that I have been separate from those relationships, these are the times that I’ve had the worst failures in my life.
Wherever you find yourself, in failure or success, we are equally in need of honest feedback. You may find you aren’t doing as well as you think you are, or find more ways to make things better.
But as long as we build up our tolerance to our own baloney, we well be oblivious to the places we need to improve.
Dave Ramsey talks about getting out of debt by selling everything that isn’t nailed down. Debt might not be your rationale about making more money, but there are certainly ways you could turn the junk sitting around your house into extra cash. 1. Facebook – Sell in local garage sale groups / Facebook Marketplace 2. Online Selling Apps – there are a number of apps for selling. Letgo, VarageSale, and more.
Craigslist or other local classified sites
Ebay / Amazon – This takes a little more skill, but you can make money selling your junk on these sites.
This doesn’t include an old fashioned garage sale. Just put it out on a table and toss a price sticker on it. If it is sitting around unused, why not liquidate it, and put that cash back into what you need?
In the old days, one average salary could feed, shelter, clothe, and entertain a family. Today though, inflation, corruption, and financial mismanagement have put us in a position where we often find ourselves in pursuit of more “hustle” to make ends meet. Many families have two or three jobs just to cover basic expenses. I’m no financial guru, and while my own income streams are still growing, I have studied and researched much about how to create a side hustle to make residual passive income.
What is passive income? Passive income comes from royalties, rents, dividends, or residuals. You work up front or invest, and over time, your investment pays you back. Investopedia says: Earnings an individual derives from a rental property, limited partnership or other enterprise in which he or she is not materially involved. As with non-passive income, passive income is usually taxable; however it is often treated differently by the Internal Revenue Service (IRS).
What would that passive income look like for you? 1. Rental properties – If you have some cash to invest in rental properties, and enough to keep up the properties, you can make enough to pay for your investment, and then make a profit. 2. Royalties – If you write a book, record music, and sell it, either through self-publishing, or a publisher or record label – you can collect income each month from that source. 3. Investments – investing cash in a mutual fund, or even riskier stocks can bring you dividends each month.
Online business – this could be many things. Often, people create products to sell – they could be real tangible items, virtual courses, subscription services, or more.
Passive income is not free and easy money – it does take work, time, and investment to build these sources – but they can pay off later with minimal maintenance, if done well. Ultimately, my goal is to generate a full time income from passive income. I’d like to be able to “retire” from working to build someone else’s dream, and work 100 percent building my own. I’m not there yet, but we’re headed there! I highly recommend following Pat Flynn at Smart Passive income for some ideas on how to make it happen for you!
Use your words. Say what you think and feel about her. I don’t know why this is so difficult for many men to do – but it’s essential to building a good relationship. She needs to hear, “Thank you.” How often? You can never say it enough. She needs to hear, “You are beautiful.” How often? You can never say it enough. There are many things unique to your wife that she needs to hear, and I’ll leave that up to you to decode and decipher her. But I can tell you that almost every woman I’ve ever met struggles with self-image, self-worth, self-doubt issues. I think it’s safe to say that it’s a common thing women struggle with. As a husband, your responsibility is to build her up. To affirm her. To use your words to reassure, comfort, and back her up. I would talk about the negative things we say – when we cut down, criticize, and tear her apart with our comments – but honestly, that’s another discussion entirely. All that I will say is to stop. If you have constructive advice or concerns – you need to wrap that in love. For every legitimate criticism, you should have already given her five to ten compliments.
This, is perhaps the hardest part of love. Men, we see ourselves as leaders. (Which isn’t a bad thing. We’ll get to leadership, and what that means in a minute.) We see ourselves as lovers, we see ourselves in so many ways, but picturing ourselves as servants is so difficult. The truth? No matter where you are in live, you’re a servant to someone. To quote, Bob Dylan, “You’re gonna have to serve somebody. It may be the Devil, it may be the Lord, but you’re gonna have to serve somebody.” In the case of marriage, you’re either serving yourself, or you are serving her. Are you helping her with chores around the house? Are you providing for her needs? Are you doing things that help her? Are you making sure to please her first in the bedroom? (C’mon guys. You know that matters!) If you want a happy wife, you’ve got to take on the role of a servant. It will make you a great husband. A happy husband. And if you do it well, and if you do it right, she’ll reciprocate. Everybody can be great…because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love. ― Martin Luther King Jr.
Teddy Roosevelt is a hero of mine for a number of reasons. He takes us back to a day when statesman could be strong and bull-headed and speak their minds, but they could do it with class. Teddy’s was born a city boy to a rich family, and yet he longed for the wilderness, and spent much time amidst the trees and fields and beasts. He was a soldier, a gentleman, and a fierce political contender. He is known as the founder of the Progressive movement – which today looks very little like the ideals which Roosevelt espoused. He believed that it was the duty of all americans to help create equality of opportunity for all. That meant opportunity to work hard to earn a living. I could rant about today’s incarnation of the progressive movement and the push for wealth redistribution, but that may be a post for another day. Today, I want to celebrate the virtue and the value of Theodore Roosevelt. Roosevelt is also known for being shot before delivering a speech, as a political candidate running for a third term (that was allowed, back then) and refused to cancel the event, delivering his speech with the bullet still in his chest. How manly can you get? Wikipedia has this to say: Theodore Roosevelt Jr. (/ˈroʊzəvɛlt/roh-zə-velt;[a] October 27, 1858 – January 6, 1919) was an American statesman, author, explorer, soldier, naturalist, and reformer who served as the 26th President of the United Statesfrom 1901 to 1909. As a leader of the Republican Party during this time, he became a driving force for the Progressive Era in the United States in the early 20th century.
Born a sickly child with debilitating asthma, Roosevelt successfully overcame his health problems by embracing a strenuous lifestyle. He integrated his exuberant personality, vast range of interests, and world-famous achievements into a “cowboy” persona defined by robust masculinity. Home-schooled, he began a lifelong naturalist avocation before attending Harvard College. His first of many books, The Naval War of 1812 (1882), established his reputation as both a learned historian and as a popular writer. Upon entering politics, he became the leader of the reform faction of Republicans in New York’s state legislature. Following the deaths of his wife and mother, he took time to grieve by escaping to the wilderness of the American West and operating a cattle ranch in the Dakotas for a time, before returning East to run unsuccessfully for Mayor of New York City in 1886. He served as Assistant Secretary of the Navy under William McKinley, resigning after one year to serve with the Rough Riders, where he gained national fame for courage during the Spanish–American War. Returning a war hero, he was elected governor of New York in 1898. The state party leadership distrusted him, so they took the lead in moving him to the prestigious but powerless role of vice president as McKinley’s running mate in the election of 1900. Roosevelt campaigned vigorously across the country, helping McKinley’s re-election in a landslide victory based on a platform of peace, prosperity, and conservatism.
Following the assassination of President McKinley in September 1901, Roosevelt succeeded to the office at age 42, becoming the youngest United States President in history. Leading his party and country into the Progressive Era, he championed his “Square Deal” domestic policies, promising the average citizen fairness, breaking of trusts, regulation of railroads, and pure food and drugs. Making conservation a top priority, he established a myriad of new national parks, forests, and monuments intended to preserve the nation’s natural resources. In foreign policy, he focused on Central America, where he began construction of the Panama Canal. He greatly expanded the United States Navy, and sent the Great White Fleet on a world tour to project the United States’ naval power around the globe. His successful efforts to end the Russo-Japanese War won him the 1906 Nobel Peace Prize.
Elected in 1904 to a full term, Roosevelt continued to promote progressive policies, but many of his efforts and much of his legislative agenda were eventually blocked in Congress. Roosevelt successfully groomed his close friend, William Howard Taft, to succeed him in the presidency. After leaving office, Roosevelt went on safari in Africa and toured Europe. Returning to the U.S., he became frustrated with Taft’s approach as his successor. He tried but failed to win the presidential nomination in 1912. Roosevelt founded his own party, the Progressive, so-called “Bull Moose” Party, and called for wide-ranging progressive reforms. The split among Republicans enabled the Democrats to win both the White House and a majority in the Congress in 1912. The Democrats in the South had also gained power by having disenfranchised most blacks (and Republicans) from the political system from 1890 to 1908, fatally weakening the Republican Party across the region, and creating a Solid South dominated by their party alone. Republicans aligned with Taft nationally would control the Republican Party for decades.
Frustrated at home, Roosevelt led a two-year expedition in the Amazon Basin, nearly dying of tropical disease. During World War I, he opposed President Woodrow Wilson for keeping the U.S. out of the war against Germany, and offered his military services, which were never summoned. Although planning to run again for president in 1920, Roosevelt suffered deteriorating health and died in early 1919. Roosevelt has consistently been ranked by scholars as one of the greatest U.S. presidents.[2] Historians admire Roosevelt for rooting out corruption in his administration, but are critical of his 1909 libel lawsuits against the World and the News. Large corporate funding to the Republicans in the 1904 election continued to be a source of controversy for Roosevelt during his second term of office and in his 1912 Republican presidential nomination bid. His face was carved into Mount Rushmore alongside those of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Abraham Lincoln.
Check out these quotes from Theodore Roosevelt
“Nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty.”
“To sit home, read one’s favorite paper, and scoff at the misdeeds of the men who do things is easy, but it is markedly ineffective. It is what evil men count upon the good men’s doing.”
“A soft, easy life is not worth living, if it impairs the fibre of brain and heart and muscle. We must dare to be great; and we must realize that greatness is the fruit of toil and sacrifice and high courage… For us is the life of action, of strenuous performance of duty; let us live in the harness, striving mightily; let us rather run the risk of wearing out than rusting out.”
“I don’t pity any man who does hard work worth doing. I admire him. I pity the creature who does not work, at whichever end of the social scale he may regard himself as being.”
“We must show, not merely in great crises, but in the everyday affairs of life, the qualities of practical intelligence, of courage, of hardihood, and endurance, and above all the power of devotion to a lofty ideal, which made great the men who founded this Republic in the days of Washington, which made great the men who preserved this Republic in the days of Abraham Lincoln.”
“Unless a man is master of his soul, all other kinds of mastery amount to little.”
Every Monday At Manlihood.com – we celebrate men of courage, valor, creativity, innovation, and honor. We celebrate men who have accomplished great things, that have set good examples, and then have made the world a better place. This is #mancrushmonday
Louis Zamperini is truly an American hero, and we at Manlihood proudly salute him as this week’s Man Crush Monday! From Wikipedia: Louis Silvie “Louie” Zamperini (January 26, 1917 – July 2, 2014) was a US prisoner of war survivor in World War II, a Christian evangelist and an Olympic distance runner.
Zamperini took up running in high school and qualified for the US in the 5000m race for the 1936 Berlin Olympics. He finished 8th in the event. In 1941 he was commissioned into the United States Army Air Forces as a Lieutenant. He served as a bombardier in B-24 Liberators in the Pacific. On a search and rescue mission, mechanical difficulties forced Zamperini’s plane to crash in the ocean. After drifting at sea for 47 days, he landed on the Japanese occupied Marshall Islands and was captured. He was taken to a prison camp in Japan where he was tortured. Following the war he initially struggled to overcome his ordeal. Later he became a Christian Evangelist with a strong belief in forgiveness. Zamperini is the subject of two biographical films, the 2014 Unbroken and the 2015 Captured by Grace.
— The movie Unbroken only shares a tiny bit of his story – but it’s still a great place to start learning about this courageous hero!
Check out these inspiring quotes from Louis Zamperini:
“The one who forgives never brings up the past to that person’s face. When you forgive, it’s like it never happened. True forgiveness is complete and total.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“I’d made it this far and refused to give up because all my life I had always finished the race.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“One moment of pain is worth a lifetime of glory.”
― Louis Zamperini
“Yet a part of you still believes you can fight and survive no matter what your mind knows. It’s not so strange. Where there’s still life, there’s still hope. What happens is up to God.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“All I want to tell young people is that you’re not going to be anything in life unless you learn to commit to a goal. You have to reach deep within yourself to see if you are willing to make the sacrifices.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“Someone who doesn’t make the (Olympic) team might weep and collapse. In my day no one fell on the track and cried like a baby. We lost gracefully. And when someone won, he didn’t act like he’d just become king of the world, either. Athletes in my day were simply humble in our victory.
I believe we were more mature then…Maybe it’s because the media puts so much pressure on athletes; maybe it’s also the money. In my day we competed for the love of the sport…In my day we patted the guy who beat us on the back, wished him well, and that was it.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“I think the hardest thing in life is to forgive. Hate is self destructive. If you hate somebody, you’re not hurting the person you hate, you’re hurting yourself. It’s a healing, actually, it’s a real healing…forgiveness.”
― Louis Zamperini
“People tell me, “You’re such an optimist”. Am I an optimist? An optimist says the glass is half full. A pessimist says the glass is half empty. A survivalist is practical. He says, “Call it what you want, but just fill the glass.” I believe in filling the glass.”
― Louis Zamperini
“The great commandment is that we preach the gospel to every creature, but neither God nor the Bible says anything about forcing it down people’s throats.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“You only have one life. You should never be too busy to save it.”
― Louis Zamperini, Don’t Give Up, Don’t Give In: Lessons from an Extraordinary Life
“don’t be afraid to make mistakes; they are just the stepping-stones to success.”
― Louis Zamperini, Don’t Give Up, Don’t Give In: Lessons from an Extraordinary Life
“I was raised to face any challenge.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“The world, we’d discovered, doesn’t love you like your family loves you.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“To live, a man needs food, water, and a sharp mind.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
“(after asking Christ into his heart) I waited. And then, true to His promise, He came into my heart and my life. The moment was more than remarkable; it was the most realistic experience I’d ever had. I’m not sure what I expected; perhaps my life or my sins or a great white light would flash before my eyes; perhaps I’d feel a shock like being hit by a bolt of lightning. Instead, I felt no tremendous sensation, just a weightlessness and an enveloping calm that let me know that Christ had come into my heart.”
― Louis Zamperini, Devil at My Heels
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I’m not sure if you have ever done something as a kid that you loved so much – only to grow older and not do it anymore. Now that you don’t do it anymore, you look back and see that you REALLY miss it and want to do it again so bad if you had the resources to.
For me, that was baseball – taking the mound of a competitive baseball game to be exact.
Well, I recently wrote a post on my page that I wanted to share with you folks here.
I was, and still am a baseball nut.
I love this game. I grew up to love the game – I grew up to play the game effectively – and I grew to be pretty darn good at it.
I recently joined the Bradford Badgers. It felt absolutely to amazing to be a part of the game once again.
Hearing the “pop” of the gloves. The “clank” of the bat. It was just baseball again.
Looking back over my life, I just can not BELIEVE that I lost something I love because of no self-esteem. You see when I was in high school, it was a transition phase for me. It was a phase where insecurities are always high, but for me – it was a bit more dramatic (at least in my head).
My freshmen year, I was told that I would be wearing hearing aids the rest of my life. If you thought eye glasses were tough to wear – try wearing hearing aids! Talk about a wake up call. I felt everyone was staring at my ears. I felt there were people trying to talk to me and I couldnt hear them. I felt completely overwhelmed and vulnerable.
I don’t blame my ears for much, but I will blame it for self-esteem issues. THEN I will blame myself for not battling through it. You see, if I had known THEN, what i know NOW – there is no doubt in my mind that I would have been able to play baseball in college – possibly semi-pro. Who knows? I will NEVER know because I let it slip. I stopped pushing. I stopped going 110%. I gave up on myself.
I realize how much i robbed myself – how much I robbed the game I loved so much. I say NEVER again will this happen in my life.
If you have done this – don’t let your self-esteem run you. RUN IT! Say NEVER AGAIN! You may not get the chance to take it back later in life..it might be too late.
At 31, my run to the big leagues is PROBABLY over – like, 1 in 1 Billion (SO YOUR SAYIN THERES A CHANCE!). I could be like THE ROOKIE and get a shot at the bigs…who knows where God is leading (HA! That would be awesome, but probably not again – there could be a ball club out there that would take someone that runs an 8.4 40 yard dash, right?. It could just be the Bradford Badgers and I am completely OK with that as well – I feel extremely blessed to have this opportunity. I get to play the game I love at a high level.
(Me breaking out of “retirement”)
For more on Self Esteem Help – check out this book below. I have included a chapter for you to read to see if it would be something you might be interested in. The link is also available by clicking the book cover.
Chapter 3 from Self Help 15: 15 ways You Can Instantly Improve Your Self Esteem
Being prepared to receive that you have been asking for is necessary for actually receiving it.
How does that work? It is a “faith without works is dead” type of thing.
You want to be more self-confident, you want to be attracting a more positive self so we need to prepare for the end state that you are trying to create.
You see the biggest mistake that is stuck on autopilot when you are in low self-esteem is that it is negative thinking and lack of positive reinforcements for future success. We might do well for a while, but later on we are EASILY sucked back into the negative self-image that we developed with low self-esteem.
The goal here is to start preparing for the better you to come through. This is a demonstration of faith on your part. Here are some ways you can prepare for that new you:
Clean up your act
I notice that when I want to set a new motion in gear, it always makes me feel better when I start by cleaning up my space at work, home and personal space that I have. Being organized and getting my act together always makes me feel instantly accomplished. An hours’ worth of work boosts my spirits, and my house, office, and personal spaces are clean.
The Mirror
Perhaps you haven’t wanted to even look in the mirror lately. It IS one of the most deceptive things in the universe when you are in a state of lacking self-esteem, however, we are setting in a new motion. From this day forward, that mirror will be cleaned and ready to work in your favor. You will be able to look straight into that mirror from this point forward and say – “that guy/gal in there is pretty freakin awesome!” Start your day today – and end it with a declaration right in that mirror.
Clear out your closet/dresser drawers
Make way for the new you. You are going to be working on your image and there might be some things you can get rid of. It’s time to cut ties with your over worn sweat pants, those socks with holes in them, the old track jacket from high school.
Let Go of the Past
Is there something from this period of your life that is just hanging around? Cut ties with it! Break up put you in this mess – BURN THE PICTURES and send the memories packing. Clear out your facebook.
Important message about this part. If you are cleaning out and burning things up – let it go. I say let it go because later on, when you least expect it, those memories or pictures may just magically show up again. You need to just move past it all together. Let this be a ceremony of just moving on. The burning up the past and moving forward. I can’t tell you how many times I did this for jobs, for old girlfriends, old friendships, and lost loved ones. It always worked. One last time to reflect, but it won’t affect my emotions any longer. I am bigger than that and stronger than the past. My future is so much brighter!
Would love for you guys to take full advantage of the free period (which ends Thursday). Download these books and hold on to them for later if you have to.
I only ask for two things in return.
Leave a review of the book if you read it.
Take ONE thing back with you after reading it.
So far over 1,000 downloads have been done in the last 3 days. I know life changes are being made – that is something Im excited about!
