George S. Patton – #ManCrushMonday
“Wars may be fought with weapons, but they are won by men. It is the spirit of men who follow and of the man who leads that gains the victory.” _ George S. Patton Jr.
leadership
What if you have no example? Connect With Other Men
I’ve been very fortunate to have a good dad, who raised me well.
Not everyone has that luxury. Not everyone has a good example, and so they often find themselves scratching their heads wondering how to be a better man, without a good father figure to use as a template. Here’s my advice for those guys.
Our American John Wayne way of life doesn’t leave a whole lot of room for a posse…. we ride like lone cowboys out on the plains. “I can do it myself.” “I am an island.” “I need no one.”
The truth is – we are not meant to live life alone. We’re meant to live in community. And men, if you want to be a stronger better man, you learn how to do that in relationships with other men.
Have a poker night, join a hunting club, or a bowling league, a writer’s group, or a just get together occassionally with the guys to watch an action flick and grill meat.
Your growth will be directly proportionate to the people that you surround yourself with. So surround yourself with some good quality men who will call you out on your bullcrap, and who will build you up for doing good. Guys who will tease you to keep you humble, but give the shirt off their backs when you need them. Strive to be that same guy.
Thomas Paine – #ManCrushMonday
“Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom, must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it.” — Thomas Paine
Commitment: A Cornerstone to Manhood: Work
Commitment is value that every man needs to understand. It really defines the heart of what true manhood is. Are you a man known for commitment? Can others describe you as a committed man? In this blog series, we’ll explore the idea of commitment, and what it means to your life.
People used to graduate high school – get a job – and stay with that company until they died or retired. That’s changed a LOT in the last couple decades… and that’s certainly okay – but I wonder if our old ways of commitment to our job has lost something.
Here’s what I think a commitment to work looks like.
1. I commit to show up on time.
2. I commit to do my best.
3. I commit to communicate clearly and according to policy regarding absences.
4. I commit to give two weeks notice before leaving this job.
To be honest – I think if 1, 2, and 3 were done – we would advance in the company – rather than be tempted to take another job. SURE – there are bad jobs, and bad bosses, as well as better jobs and better bosses. But I think if we show up and do our best – I think that we’ll succeed and advance. If we ALL do it – the company should do well, too, right?
Commitment: A Cornerstone to Manhood: Romance/Engagement/Marriage/Divorce
Commitment is value that every man needs to understand. It really defines the heart of what true manhood is. Are you a man known for commitment? Can others describe you as a committed man? In this blog series, we’ll explore the idea of commitment, and what it means to your life.
I know this is going to seem old-fashioned and prudish. I’m okay with that. I think that in the guise of being “modern” and “forward-thinking” – we’ve tossed out a lot of babies with bath-water. I think sometimes being “old-fashioned” about things is actually a statement about your character, rather than a statement about your cool-ness.
I’d like to go on and on about sex – and where I think it belongs in the grand scheme of things – but I’ll talk instead about commitment itself. If you want to know why I’m old-fashioned about the sex part, shoot me an email and I’d be glad to talk to you about it.
What I will talk about is commitment in your romantic relationships. When I hear stories of seven year long engagements, or people who live together their whole lives and don’t get married – it makes me scratch my head.
Here’s the way I see the flow of commitment.
Romance – A man and a woman find themselves attracted to each other – and they enjoy each others’ company. At this point- the commitments are simple. Do you want to meet me for dinner? Yes. Then I am committed to pick you up at 8. Do you want to date me exclusively? Great. I will delete all the other girls from my facebook. (haha!) Want to simplify the headaches at this stage of a relationship? Communicate your expectations. Communicate what your commitments are and what commitments you expect. Don’t just assume anything.
Engagement – you should abandon all romance with someone if you know that you couldn’t marry them. Why waste your time and energy on someone if you know you don’t like them? Better to endure a little heartache before a lot of heartache. Once you locate the one you want to marry – then it’s time to commit. Engagement is formal. Don’t throw around proposals unless you are sure this is the person you want to marry. It’s not about “taking the next step” – romance and dating is when you make your decisions – engagement is a promise to marry each other. So don’t do it until you are ready to make that promise! Engagement is not about getting to know each other – it’s about making wedding plans. Any engagement that lasts more than a year or two should raise questions about your commitment level. To be honest – I think a nice short engagement is ideal! Why wait? If you know this is the one you want to marry, the only reason to wait is saving up money for the wedding…. I recommend getting married on the cheap. 🙂
Marriage – Marriage is supposed to be forever. It’s not a trial. It’s not a temporary thing. It’s not easy. Commitment to see it through matters. Let me encourage you – when you face struggles – don’t quit. And as un-manly as it sounds – seeing a marriage counselor or a pastor or good friend to talk through your problems. It might be a bit humiliating – but it’s better than throwing away the most important commitment you’ll make.
Divorce – I hate to say it – but it happens. Sometimes it’s your fault – sometimes it’s hers. Sometimes it’s both. There is no such thing as a “no-fault divorce.” I know that’s not a popular position – but let me make a couple things clear. You can recover from it. You can get on with your life. And you can get another shot at love. But let me recommend that you go through some good counselling, so that you don’t get caught in a cycle of making the same decisions over and over again.
Also – remember – if you are divorced and you have kids – divorce doesn’t end your commitment to raise those kids.
George S. Patton – #ManCrushMonday
“Anyone in any walk of life who is content with mediocrity is untrue to himself and to American tradition.” George S. Patton Jr.
The Value of Hard Work
This article is directed toward young men. Do you know what hard work is? Or what it means? Too many people nowadays don’t realize how important it is. If you expect things to get handed to you, you are in for a very difficult life. And if you have that entitled mindset, you will be severely disappointed and will waste several years of your life wondering why you haven’t been successful.
There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen; those who watch things happen; and those who say “What happened?” There are those who create the path, those who walk the path that was already paved, and those who sit around and never see a path. There is no substitute for hard work. You need to have confidence in yourself and you can’t be afraid to fail. Every failure gets you one step closer to success. Michael Jordan, the great NBA star, always said, “The reason I have been so successful is because I have failed so many times.” Don’t be afraid of failure. Have a dream, and get out there, work your butt off, and make that dream come true no matter what.
Everybody has a gift. You may not know what it is yet, but you have one. Your gift is the thing you do best with the least amount of effort. What are you passionate about? Whatever it is, get out there and work as hard as you can possibly work and do not let anybody’s opinion about you or your dream stop you. You can do anything you put your mind to. You just have to believe and keep working and working. Make sure you NEVER make excuses. They are a sign of weakness. Take responsibility for your actions and continually strive to be the best you are capable of becoming. You can do it, but you have to work your butt off to do it. Are you willing to work harder than you ever worked before to become who you want to be? That’s a question you need to seriously consider because if you aren’t willing to put in the work, you won’t get the results you are looking for.
Leadership isn’t a dirty word: Leadership has limits
It seems that over the years – there has become a negative connotation attached to the word “leadership.” It’s not a dirty word – and it’s a skill that can make a man and his surroundings better.
I think the reason people tend to view leadership in a negative light is because some people have executed it badly in the past. Being in a leadership position is a responsibility, and a privilege. It’s about serving the people you lead, not barking orders and making them serve you.
As a leader – there are limits to your leadership.
1. Your first limit is you. You can only lead people to places you have gone. That means you need to raise this limit, by constantly learning and developing. If you want your people to be better at customer service – then you must read about and learn about and practice customer service at a level higher than the best of your people.
2. You cannot have expectations without communication.
The level with which you communicate will determine the level at which you can lead. Every person beneath you should have a written job description, which spells out what is expected of them. You should also have a written job description that spells out what they should expect of you. If at any time these descriptions change – make sure it is communicated clearly and in writing.
Remember that communication by definition does not exist if it does not have a transmitter and a receiver. Your mouth is your transmitter – their BRAIN is the receiver. That means you may be sending it to their ears – but if they don’t receive that communication – then it by definition – doesn’t exist. Find ways to make sure your staff can reiterate what your expectations are.
3. You cannot show disrespect.
This is a limit you cannot cross. If your staff has violated or not met your expectations – then you need to have a clear method to deal with it. “You didn’t perform X as requested. This is the consequence. There is not a need to raise your voice, to insult, to get physical, to show anger. Deal with it swiftly, fairly, and honestly. You may be “the jerk” in the situation – and part of leadership is accepting that not everyone will like the decisions you make… but there is no room for insults, gossip, and disrespect.
4. You are limited by the amount of responsibility you are willing to take.
This is a hard thing for a leader to grasp today. Your success and failure IS the success and failure of your people. If your employee fails – you have failed. It’s not “their fault” for screwing up – it’s “your fault” for not providing proper training, accountability, or whatever the case may be. Be sure to remember that leadership takes the responsibility of their team. It BEARS the responsibility of their team.
5. You are limited by the praise you dole out.
If you are not the most positive and encouraging person on your team – then that is a limit you will hit. We just talked about responsibility – and while that success gets credited to you – it’s up to you to pass it along to your people. That may come in form of bonuses, thank you notes, kind words, or pizza. 🙂
Leadership isn’t a dirty word: Leading yourself
It seems that over the years – there has become a negative connotation attached to the word “leadership.” It’s not a dirty word – and it’s a skill that can make a man and his surroundings better.
There’s an old verse of scripture that seems to apply (whether you believe in it or not). He that is faithful with little will be given much.
I think that our first leadership role is to lead ourselves. Are we disciplined with our finances, our health, our time, our relationships? If not, where do we start? If so, how do we improve and take things to the next level?
I’d encourage you to make a personal development plan.
1. Identify area of your life that you know needs work.
2. Set a 1 week, 1 month, 1 quarter, 1 year, and 5 year goal for that area. Make them Specific. Write them Down. Post them in a visual place to remind yourself!
3. Identify four or five books that you will read to help you with that area.
4. Identify three or four blogs to follow that will help you.
5. Identify a mentor who seems to have success in that area – and ask them for advice. Offer to buy them lunch, and then make a list of questions to ask them.
6. Find three or four friends with a similar struggle – and meet once a week or once a month to encourage each other.
7. Evaluate your goals each time you hit those milestones, and make adjustments to stay on track!
Stay tuned for next week! We’ll be sharing “Leadership isn’t a dirty word: Leadership has limits”
Leadership isn’t a dirty word: Leadership is not Lordship
It seems that over the years – there has become a negative connotation attached to the word “leadership.” It’s not a dirty word – and it’s a skill that can make a man and his surroundings better.
Part of the negative connotation comes from people who have done leadership poorly. It’s important to understand that leadership is not lordship.
Leadership is a sacred privilege. It is not a right that makes one man higher and better than another. It’s a responsibility to influence people.
It’s important not to exploit our roles as leaders – so that we can lead effectively, and lead well. Too often, our positions become corrupted by selfishness, laziness, or just a lack of skill.
And skill is at the heart of leadership. We often talk of “born leaders” – and maybe some are born with a certain level of skill – but anyone can develop the skills that make a good leader.
Want some good resources on honing those skills? Check out John Maxwell’s Blog. http://www.johnmaxwell.com/blog
Stay tuned for next week! We’ll be sharing “Leadership isn’t a dirty word: Leading from the backseat”