In this episode of the Manlihood ManCast, Josh Hatcher talks about being RESOLUTE – making resolutions in the New Year that stick.
Make a Lifelong Resolution
Take some time this week to identify an area of your life that needs to change.
Your relationship with your spouse, your parenting skills, your work habits, launching a new career as a writer, becoming a more positive person – whatever it is that needs to change in your life.
Identify it.
And start meditating on what it means to change it permanently.
You don’t have to be stuck at a job you hate for the rest of your life. You don’t have to walk on eggshells because you are afraid your wife is going to leave you. You don’t have to be afraid about your kids making bad choices. You don’t have to be fat, or tired all of the time. All of those things can be fixed – but all of those things will require you to change. And change doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t happen just because you say it will.
It starts with aligning your head and your heart with your destination, and it finishes when you fulfill your commitment. If you want to lose weight, you can lose it – but if you don’t commit to changes for the rest of your life you’re going to be in the same place you are now. You can resolve to be a better husband, but if you fall back into the same patterns of behavior, you’ll find yourself in the doghouse again.
It’s not just about changing behavior, it’s about changing your lifestyle.
That starts in your mind, and flows out from there – but change requires commitment, or you will always return to your old self by default.
Don’t be Swayed
Can you be defined as bold?
Can you be defined as steady?
When people see your life, do they see you as waffling, indecisive, and wavering?
In some ways it doesn’t matter what others think of you, and what their judgments are – but other times, your reputation is a good indicator of your character! Surround yourself with men who will challenge you and ask you the hard questions. Ask them if they see you as bold, steady, determined, resolute.
While we’re often talking about behavior changes, it’s important to note that bad behavior, overeating, mouthing off, addictions, etc. are the visible manifestations of an inner issue. You can try to change those things all you want, but these external problems stem from an internal one.
Resolving to change is not enough. You actually have to change. And that starts with changing the way you think.
I’ve found that I often need reminders to stay on track. A piece of jewelry, an item in my pocket, a post it note on my workstation or refridgerator that encourages me to stay the course can really give me a little push in in the right direction when I start to stray, or start to get weary of keeping my commitment.
Positive reinforcement is great, but sometimes you need a little negative reinforcement. Even something as simple as a rubber band, snapped against the wrist when my mind starts to want the thing that I shouldn’t have helps me associate that pleasure-able thing with pain, and while at first, many little red-skinned wrist snaps were uncomfortable, I find myself thinking less and less in the wrong direction.
In order to avoid being swayed from your path, you have to internalize the decision to change. You have to change the way you think. And that is really the hardest part.
What steps can you take to change your thinking?
Change your Mind
Remember those commercials for the NAACP that used to say, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste” ?
Those words have often haunted and sung in my head, because they highlight the value of the human mind. But they don’t even come close to describing the power of it.
I know that may sound like metaphysical mumbo-jumbo, but truth sometimes can sound a bit strange. Especially ancient truth.
The word “mindset” breaks down to imply that the mind is fixed like concrete or glue…. Hardened in the way that it thinks. And this perspective really helps us understand how to succeed and how to accomplish what it is we are meant to do. When we SET our mind on improving some area of our life – we will improve. Especially if we reinforce that concrete as often as we can with continual reminders of our destination.
What is a mindset? It’s simply what you think about, and how you think about it. Before we can talk about developing a healthy mindset, we need to talk about how you got your unhealthy mindset, and why it is unhealthy.
From the time you were born, you’ve heard lies about yourself and the world around you. If you hear a lie enough times, you start to believe that it’s true. If you tell yourself that you can’t lose weight – will you lose weight? If you tell yourself that you are worthless, will you ever find self-worth?
The first step in correcting your mindset involves the choice to identify and root out the lies about your situation. Identify the un-truth, call it like it is – and then move on to the next step, which is to identify the truth.
The truth is you CAN do it. The truth is you do have value.The truth is you ARE an addict in need of recovery. The truth is you have treated your wife like crap. The truth is you can change.
Identify the truth, good or bad, and then determine what changes need to be made in your lifestyle as you strive to chase that truth. If the truth is bad, focus on the corrective result that you want to see. “I’m an alcoholic, but I will kick this habit.” “I’m a crappy husband, but I will choose to be a better one.”
Cultivating that mindset means kicking out thoughts, daydreams, and internal dialogue if it goes against the positive direction that you want to go. Thoughts sometimes swirl around and get you off track, and it’s up to you to kick it out. How do you kick it out? It simply starts with telling it to go. Outloud if you have to. “Get out of my head. I am not stupid. I will pass this exam.”
You must also kick out the external voices that are holding you back. If your spouse is berating your attempts to improve, tell her that you need her support. If you are listening to music or watching television or movies that reinforce the bad habits or ideas, toss them out.
Changing your mind is not instant, nor is it simple. It take the discipline to “take captive every thought.” Whenever a thought comes into your head – take the time to evaluate it and file it appropriately. Is it positive, encouraging, true, motivating, brutally honest? Is it weak, passive, negative, destructive, dishonest?
You know which ones are good. Put the good ones in the right place – and kick the bad thoughts out.
Changing your mind also takes education. Read, attend seminars, classes, and groups to enrich and enlarge your mind. If you want to see change, you have to be properly equipped.
Replace Your Addictions with Habits
Probably the most common resolutions are “Quitting Smoking,” “Losing Weight,” or “Getting Healthy.” These resolutions, along with others, like getting sober, quitting drugs, and many others are in response to addictions.
Psychology Today defines addiction this way:
Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance (e.g., alcohol, cocaine, nicotine) or engages in an activity (e.g., gambling, sex, shopping) that can be pleasurable but the continued use/act of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities, such as work, relationships, or health. Users may not be aware that their behavior is out of control and causing problems for themselves and others.
There are a number of different ways that we deal with addiction: We often trade one addiction for another. That’s why smokers who quit often gain weight…
There are so many facets to treating addiction, and getting to the root of the problem that we can’t get into here. I’m no expert, and even the experts have a variety of opinions on it. If you find yourself in need of more help, consult an expert.
In the meantime though, and especially in dealing with the smaller more manageable addictions – I can offer some advice.
Replace those addictions with good habits.
If you normally reach for a sugar soda to quench your thirst, replace it with ice water!
If you are addicted to caffeine, (by the way – the first three days of that addiction are the hardest!) Replace the need for a boost of energy with a quick burst of exercise or stretching! (My wife sells essential oils – I’ve found that a quick whiff of peppermint oil actually gives me almost the same boost of caffeine!)
Trying to quit smoking? If you are taking the smoke breaks out of your life, you have to replace them with something else that is GOOD for you.
Get together with your brothers-in-arms and talk about the addictions you need to cast off. Ask for advice, ask for accountability. Be honest with them about the struggles, and about the process. It may not be instant – sometimes screwing up is part of the process!
In this episode of the Manlihood ManCast, Josh Hatcher talks about the meaning of Christmas.
The REAL meaning of Christmas – is that God loved you so much, that he sent his son to live among you. God himself chose to be a sweaty smelly human – a crying pooping baby – who would do great things, but would also suffer and die as a sacrifice for sin… God himself became sin – to pay for yours.
Luke 2 1-5
About that time Caesar Augustus ordered a census to be taken throughout the Empire. This was the first census when Quirinius was governor of Syria. Everyone had to travel to his own ancestral hometown to be accounted for. So Joseph went from the Galilean town of Nazareth up to Bethlehem in Judah, David’s town, for the census. As a descendant of David, he had to go there. He went with Mary, his fiancée, who was pregnant.
6-7 While they were there, the time came for her to give birth. She gave birth to a son, her firstborn. She wrapped him in a blanket and laid him in a manger, because there was no room in the hostel.
An Event for Everyone
8-12 There were sheepherders camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over their sheep. Suddenly, God’s angel stood among them and God’s glory blazed around them. They were terrified. The angel said, “Don’t be afraid. I’m here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David’s town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you’re to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger.”
13-14 At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God’s praises:
Glory to God in the heavenly heights,
Peace to all men and women on earth who please him.
15-18 As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the sheepherders talked it over. “Let’s get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us.” They left, running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. Seeing was believing. They told everyone they met what the angels had said about this child. All who heard the sheepherders were impressed.
19-20 Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. The sheepherders returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they’d been told!
In this episode of the Manlihood ManCast, Josh Hatcher talks about some of the manliest history about Saint Nicholas.
Santa Claus may be shrouded in myth, but the real Man in Red was quite the manly man. According to history and legend, there are a number of stories that paint “Jolly Old Saint Nick” in a slightly different light than we see on the Christmas Cards.
That Time Santa Claus hit a heretic in the face.
Once, during a religious debate, another man denied the divinity of Christ. That was, according to many sources, just too much for Nicholas.
(via St. Nicholas Center)
Arius, from Egypt, was teaching that Jesus the Son was not equal to God the Father…As Arius vigorously continued, Nicholas became more and more agitated. Finally, he could no longer bear what he believed was essential being attacked. The outraged Nicholas got up, crossed the room, and slapped Arius across the face.
Some legends refer to the strike as a punch, and say that it resulted in a bloody nose, but at the very least, most historians tend to agree that some kind of physical altercation occurred, in which Father Christmas struck a blow for sound doctrine.
While I can’t condone hauling off and smacking someone who disagrees with your theology, I do kind of respect Nicholas a little more knowing that he was passionate about what he believed.
That time he saved three daughters from being sold into prostitution
300AD was a different time. In those days, no respectable man would marry a woman without a monetary gift from her father. If he couldn’t pay for her dowry, she was often sold into slavery, or prostitution.
It was a different time, with different customs, and while it seems barbaric to us today… well.. It was barbaric. Nevermind. I won’t try to excuse it. Apparently, Good Ole’ Saint Nick felt the same way, because he took action against that barbaric practice in at least one instance.
via St. Nicholas Center)
There was a man, once rich, who had fallen on hard times. Now poor, he had three daughters of an age to be married…This poor man’s daughters, without dowries, were therefore destined to be sold into slavery, or worse…Coming in secret by night, [Saint Nicholas] tossed a bag of gold into the house. It sailed in through an open window landing in a stocking left before the fire to dry…The first daughter soon wed.
Rescuing damsels in distress is a pretty manly thing to do.
Ending sex slavery is also a manly thing to do!
Want to help end human trafficking? Here’s how you can be like St. Nick.
That time he solved a grisly murder and did a miracle
Keep in mind that in order to be considered a “Saint” according to Catholic tradition – a person must have performed documented miracles. Regardless of whether you believe in the veracity of miracles – stories like this are interesting. (Personally, I do believe in supernatural miracles. I’m perfectly okay if you think this makes me crazy. I’ve seen too many of them to deny their existence. But that’s another conversation for another day.)
Via St. Nicholas Center)
[Three lost children] came to a lighted butcher’s shop, knocked and said, “We are lost and hungry. May we eat and sleep?” “Oh, yes,” came the reply, “do come in.”
As they enter, the butcher takes a sharp knife, cuts them up, and puts them in a large salting tub. Seven years pass.
A knock comes on the door. Bishop Saint Nicholas appears, saying to the evil butcher, “Open your large salting tub!” The saint puts his hand on the tub and, appealing to God, says, “Rise up, children.” The little children awake and stand up. Their families joyfully welcome them home.
Again – whether or not the story actually happened is irrelevant. It’s still a cool story. And it’s cool to think of Santa Claus as doing ACTUAL good in the world, not just giving kids cheap plastic toys made in China and WAY too much chocolate.
Speaking of chocolate – Santa would probably be pretty pissed off about the chocolate industry today.
That time he told a storm at sea to take chill pill and it listened
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of sailors – most likely because of this story.
(Via St. Nicholas Center)
Nicholas foresaw that a violent storm was coming, although no one else suspected this. After he warned the crew, at once black clouds appeared in the sky and a violent storm arose, churning up the sea. Everyone was afraid and they all begged Nicholas to rescue them. They cried out, “Unless you pray to God to save us, we will be swallowed up by the sea!”
Encouraging the passengers and crew to put their hope in God, the saint sent up fervent prayers to the Lord. At once the waters became calm, and the passengers were filled with joy. A fair wind filled the sails, and the boat sailed quickly and safely to Alexandria in Egypt. For this reason, and because of other miracles brought about by Saint Nicholas at sea, he was eventually named the patron saint of sailors all over the world.
This story is familiar – as something very similar happened to Jesus in the New Testament. As I said before – regardless of your belief in miracles, this is still a cool story.
According the biblical and church history, it’s not unusual for the followers of Jesus to do the same kinds of miracles that Jesus did. Jesus spoke of “all authority” being given to him. He later told his followers that he was giving them “all authority.” While Nicholas didn’t know Jesus, he chose to walk away from a life of luxury to live a life of charity and kindness. He was a privileged kid who decided to follow the path of Jesus…. So it makes sense that the same authority would apply, right?
Nicholas wasn’t some soft fat guy sitting at the mall while a hundred kids made demands. He spoke with authority – so strongly that winds and waves shut the hell up at his request.
Let’s strive for a little of that kind of authority in our lives! Speak boldly to the frightening circumstances in your life, and tell them to shut the hell up!
In this episode of the Manlihood ManCast, Josh Hatcher talks about some of the manliest history about Saint Nicholas.
Santa Claus may be shrouded in myth, but the real Man in Red was quite the manly man. According to history and legend, there are a number of stories that paint “Jolly Old Saint Nick” in a slightly different light than we see on the Christmas Cards.
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In November 2020, Josh Hatcher spoke at Open Arms Church in Bradford, PA as a part of their “By Design” series. He spoke about God’s Design for men. Below are Josh’s sermon notes.
Manliness isn’t defined by outside appearance.
Manhood isn’t just one thing. God made men with different strengths and different traits. Don’t just write yourself off as “Not Manly” because you’re different than someone else.
Women – don’t tune me out. A lot of the things I’m saying today apply to both men and women. A lot of the things I’m saying specifically ABOUT men will help you understand how to relate to men better.
But for the most part – I’m speaking to the MEN today.
God made men. And he said it was good. We learned last week that what was not good was that he was alone.
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Genesis 2: 18
In the King James, it says “a help meet for him.” That means “equal to him.”
Men and women both have value. Equal Value. We were made distinctly and for a purpose. God’s purpose.
But, generally speaking, Men are VERY different than women. There are things in our DNA that are hard-coded, because God made men the way we are on purpose.
Ryan Michler says: Men are created to Protect, Provide, and Preside.
Protect:
We are made in God’s image right? God is a protector! He commands us to protect the widow, the orphan, the refugee…
… When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.
Luke 12:48 NIV
This is not a series about marriage – but many of the bible’s instructions for men are within the context of a marriage relationship. I’m not saying we should treat all women like we treat our wives… certainly not. But I think God’s instructions for how we are to treat our wives gives us a glimpse into what it means to be a man.
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
1 Peter 3: 7 NIV
Some translations say “weaker vessel” – Do not mistake “weaker” for “lesser.”
Because a man is generally stronger than a woman – he should view her not as delicate – but as precious.
A woman is a Ming Vase. A Ming Vase isn’t weak – it’s survived for thousands of years. But it is precious. We treat it with the honor and respect that it is due.
We see all through scripture commands regarding how we should treat women and children, and those who are “weaker.”
The root word “weaker” here is also used in Corinthians to describe the fact that God will use the “weaker” things to confound the wise. (weaker does not mean lesser)
“A man of honor values things rightly.” – Chuck Holton, Making Men
Our job as men is to give things the right amount of honor. Cussing out your kid because he interrupted your kill shot in Call of Duty – is that placing the proper value on the right thing? Watching porn – now that you KNOW that the women in porn are often exploited and forced into that industry.. Is that placing the value on the right thing? Turning a blind eye to injustice…. Is that valuing things rightly? WE ARE MADE TO PROTECT.
PROVIDE
Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
1 Timothy 5:8 NIV
Don’t you remember the rule we had when we lived with you? “If you don’t work, you don’t eat.” And now we’re getting reports that a bunch of lazy good-for-nothings are taking advantage of you. This must not be tolerated. We command them to get to work immediately—no excuses, no arguments—and earn their own keep. Friends, don’t slack off in doing your duty.
2 Thessalonians 3:10
Butthurt Disclaimers for you — Just because your wife makes more than you does not mean you are less of a man. — If you are disabled and can’t work to provide for yourself I’m not condemning you or judging your situation – what CAN you do to contribute to your family and community?
Your job is to make sure that God’s provision gets to your family.
Your job is to not be a mooch, and to earn your keep.
I’m not shaming needy people. I understand what it’s like to need help. But I am saying – your goal should be able to provide for your own needs and the needs of your family.
It must suck to have to pay child support. It must really suck to be a kid whose dad resents taking care of him.
Preside: RULE
Men are called to walk in AUTHORITY and LEADERSHIP, in their homes, jobs, communities, churches.
Let’s talk about what this is not:
…Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.
Genesis 3:16(b)
This is NOT a command for men’s authority. This is the curse. (Story about a little kid getting caught with chewing tobacco. Dad says, if you’re gonna chew it – you better chew all of it. Kid gets sick and pukes. Is the PUKE what God wants?)
Don’t confuse the curse for a special privilege for us men. It is not: “Eve screwed up, now I’m the Boss.”
This is about the consequences of sin. There will be tension and contention between men and women because of sin. That’s not the blessing. That’s the curse.
While we’re here – let’s talk about Adam’s ROLE in the fall. Where was he? Why did he let her eat of the fruit? Why did he LISTEN to her when she said to eat it?
Adam ABDICATED his responsibility. If he had done his job, Eve might not have sinned. When she did – he BLAMED her. He BLAMED God.
This is not what leadership is. In fact –
Leadership is RESPONSIBILITY.
If someone in your family screws up, you’re responsible to make it right.
Leadership is about SERVICE.
“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Matthew 20:25-28 NIV
Leadership is NOT Lordship.
Nor is it exclusive to men. You don’t have to be “the boss” to be a leader. And in your homes – while I do believe there is a biblical order in which the father and husband has authority – this does not mean that women are not leaders! –
If we look at the Bible’s picture of the ideal woman in Proverbs 31 – it’s very clear that a woman has leadership too. We lead together.
But as a man – I bear more responsibility.
Be strong, and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of our God. The Lord will do what is good in his sight.”
2 Samuel 10:12 NIV
The King James Version says: “Be of good courage, and let us play the men for our people”
In this episode of the Manlihood ManCast, Josh Hatcher talks about Thanksgiving, and the transforming power of gratitude.
Thankfulness changes YOU.
“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.” –
Brian Tracy
Thankfulness changes OTHERS.
“The way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.”
-Charles Schwab
Gratitude is a cure-all.
“We would worry less if we praised more. Thanksgiving is the enemy of discontent and dissatisfaction.”
-H.A. Ironside
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.”
-Melody Beattie
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In this episode of the Manlihood ManCast, Josh Hatcher talks about a few different V Words that are important for men to understand. Some we need to embrace, some we need to reject.
Validation
We all want validation. We all want someone to give us that validation or respect. But ultimately, we have to give it to ourselves.
Vigilance
We have to be ever vigilant, we need to be aware of what’s going on around us. Vigilant against threats internal and external.
Vengeance
Vengeance is destructive. We need to avoid this. Justice is good. Reconciliation is good. Vengeance is destructive.
Victimhood
We’re living in a time where being a victim is almost revered.
Victory
We all want to win. We want to be victorious. It’s good for us to run the race to win it. It’s good to celebrate the wins.
Virtue
The virtuous life is a life that is guided by principle. We do the right thing. Don’t virtue signal. Just have virtue.
Men and Women are different in many aspects of life, and money is no exception. From the way one acquires funds to the spending habits to keeping savings – differences abound. If you think that may not be the case, here are some numbers for you:
Around 31% of American men are thinking about dipping into their retirement funds when the need arises, as opposed to 23% of women.
Only 14% of men would consider downsizing their lifestyle in tough times, opposed to 25% of women.
Men also tend to carry more debt with higher mortgages than women. They also have a higher chance of being late with the mortgage payment.
From these few snippets, it seems that men are prone to risky behavior with their funds. In today’s uncertain economic climate and with the pandemic threatening a variety of jobs, it may be wise to handle money with care. Here are some tips on how to handle your finances in a meaningful way:
Change your mindset
It is not about having enough for food and clothes. You need to change the way you think about money and what it means to you. Be sure to know who you are and what you want to accomplish with money. Focus on positive aspects of life – there are always some. Also, try to visualize the best version of yourself and act upon it.
Create and maintain an emergency fund
If you have not done so already, plan and start creating your emergency fund. All it takes are small steps. Put aside a couple of bucks each day, and it will yield a thousand or more after a year. Also, do not dip into it unless it’s an emergency. Set it up so that it’s not easy to get money from it; that way, you’ll avoid unnecessary spending.
Stop comparing yourself to others
It is nice when we can show our friends how successful we are – with a brand-new car or a larger house. What’s not so great is overspending so much that your signs of success make your budget suffer. Practice living within your means. Don’t let showing off lead you into financial troubles – it’s not worth it.
Do your research
Before you embark on a journey to invest in something important, like a flat or car, do research. Explore all the possibilities and write down the pros and cons of every possible way you can finance your idea. If you are thinking about getting a new vehicle, look for several deals on car loans. Do not take the first one you find – compare them all and see which gives the most value for the buck.
Pay with cash
Today’s economy seems as if it all turned into virtual earnings and spending. Even so, you should still rely on good, hard cash. It gives you a sense of control, unlike a plastic card that seems to have unlimited money. You also get in physical contact with spending and it makes you value your hard-earned cash more.
Track your spending
It is not only the big expenses that influence your budget. The little things often add up. Start tracking your spending, even to the tiniest amount. The idea is to have a clear vision of your expenses and where your money goes. It also helps you get in touch with spending habits that are bad for your budget.
Focus on passive income
If you have a place for rent, you can boost your finances with it. Have an idea for a book or similar artistic product? It also becomes a source of money. It does not have to be a physical thing. Online courses and subscription services can be a great source of passive income, especially with people spending more time indoors.
Peter Minkoff is a lifestyle writer at Bond magazine. Follow Peter on Twitter for more tips.
In this episode of the Manlihood ManCast, Josh Hatcher talks about avoiding the butthurt. How can we man-the-heck-up and face our circumstances without getting our feelings hurt?
Resilience is when a man can bounce back after something hurts, rather than to stay down.
Karma comes back to those who do wrong.
Including you. Is this trouble your own fault?
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Learning to differentiate whether something SHOULD offend you or not will be one of the most valuable skills you acquire in life.
