Josh Hatcher from Manlihood.com talks about Nobility on today’s episode of the Manlihood ManCast. The Manlihood ManCast is a podcast for men.
Nobility is a choice
Nobility used to refer to an upper class – often blood related to royalty, or wealthy landowners. Often, their nobility was in rank and class, and not in virtue.
Today, nobility refers to character more than rank or status.
You can be Jack W. Dirt from the East Side of the Wankbottom Trailerpark in Fartblossom Kansas – but if you’ve got good character, you’re a noble.
It’s a choice you make. Folks with good character are known for it. It precedes them like a trumpet fanfare.
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There’s a strange connection between men and their cars – and this connection is too strong to ignore! But what’s the reason for this occurrence and how did it become so relevant? Back in the day, people considered cars to be a symbol of their status in society and an extension of their personal image. Today, cars are much more than that, and it’s no surprise that lots of men look at them as another member of their family. So, why do men love their cars so much, and what’s behind this obsession?
Feeling like a real man
This might sound like the most general statement in the world, but most guys don’t feel like they’re manly enough unless they’re driving an awesome new car. This has, of course, nothing to do with the way they actually look like, but more with their own impression of themselves, but still. Lots of them feel that women will perceive them as more manly if they’re driving a cool car, which is why they spend tons of money on models that are supposed to attract women. Owning a car makes them feel like a real man, and that’s something you can’t put a price on!
Feeling like they’ve made it in life
No matter what you think about it, being able to afford a car is a sign of success. The price of your car, the model, the type, the size, and everything else is less significant – if you’re able to buy a car, you’re doing something good in your life. This is another reason why men love possessing a new car or at least an expensive one, and they feel like their vehicle is speaking in their stead. It’s telling the world how successful these men are and how much they’ve accomplished in their lives, and that’s why some men don’t mind spending every dollar they have on a brand new vehicle.
Feeling like you can do anything
This is something we all know, regardless of our age and sex – owning a great car makes you feel amazing! The sense of price is something you can’t deny, but the feeling of accomplishment is also important. Owning a car shows that you’re able to do whatever you want to do and invest your money into something that makes sense in the long run. Lots of car owners consider their vehicles to be an investment, so finding a way to quickly sell your car might be a great idea on more levels than one. This will help you secure your financial situation in the future and you’ll get a great price, so you’ll feel amazing and be proud of your abilities to handle your finances!
Feeling like a kid again
Most men spent their childhood playing with toy cars and imagining what it will look like when they grow up and start driving real cars. Well, once that happens, the chances are they’ll still feel like children. It’s all about being able to express your emotions and be free to act in a certain way. Some of them customize their vehicles on their own and express their creativity that way. Others love putting the pedal to the metal and driving as fast as possible. If you act this way as well – don’t worry! It’s all normal and millions of men around the world are doing the same things you are. You’ll love feeling like a child again, and your car is the only possession that can make you feel that way even though you’re a completely grown-up person.
Whether you’re feeling proud that you’re owning a car or think of it as an investment, you can’t deny the fact that you love your vehicle. That’s why you invest so much time spicing it up and making it look unique, so don’t be afraid to continue doing that in the future as well – your car will simply love all the attention you’re giving it!
Peter Minkoff is a lifestyle writer at Bond magazine. Follow Peter on Twitter for more tips.
This can be related to last week’s episode about sexual abuse – or even about other kinds of abuse – but it’s not just that.
All of us have a past. Our own mistakes, our own flaws, or hard things we’ve had to endure.
It’s hard for us to look back there.
Men are fixers. We want to focus on what we can change. It doesn’t help to look at things we can’t change.
I know that if I look at my own past, I’ve got a lot of mistakes that I’ve made that I regret. A lot of people I’ve hurt, stupid things I’ve said or did…
Sometimes, when I try to fall asleep at night, all of those things come back to haunt me. I have an auditory memory. So I can replay conversations I had in my head from ten years ago. And I hear all the stupid things I said, and I feel like a jerk.
No. I don’t want to talk about the past. I don’t want to talk about what I did – or what others did. I can’t change it. I can’t fix it.
I want to focus on today. I want to focus on the future. I can change those. I can influence those. I can fix those.
We can’t change the past – but if we just refuse to talk about it – we’re going to make the same mistakes.
Our failures, and our wounds from the past have a great sway on the decisions we make. Like a weight on a chain behind us. We take it with us – all the while trying to pretend it didn’t happen.
You’ve got to deal with your past.
You’ve got to make amends, be honest, get to the root of why we think and react the way we do if we intend to make a better future for ourselves.
———– Get REIGNITE: A MAN’S FIELD GUIDE TO TAKING BACK HIS LIFE
In this installment of a five part series titled “Things Men Don’t Want to Talk About” for the Manlihood ManCast, Josh Hatcher of Manlihood.com talks about Domestic Violence.
There are two kinds of domestic violence I’d like to address. Neither of them get talked about much.
Men abusing women and/or children.
This is unacceptable. If you’re caught in a cycle of this, you need to get help. Not talking about it is making you a monster. Because that’s who abuses women and children – monsters. You’re not a man, you’re a beast, or a little boy with beer muscles. Get help.
Men abused by women.
There’s got to be a tremendous amount of shame involved with this. Despite the fact that our culture has completely upended gender roles, there’s still a prevailing mindset, that a man is strong and that he is stronger than she is.
We also teach boys that it’s always wrong to hit a woman. So a man is actually trained to be susceptible to abuse because he’s trained not to fight back.
If you’re being abused, get out. Get safe. Don’t be a victim.
You don’t HAVE to talk about it with anybody you don’t want to talk about it with. But you do have to talk to someone to make sure it stops happening.
———– Get REIGNITE: A MAN’S FIELD GUIDE TO TAKING BACK HIS LIFE
Whether you’re a morning person or not, you can’t deny the fact that morning is one of the best times of the day! And if you’re feeling fresh, well-rested, and ready to welcome the day ahead of you, even better. But, in order to feel that way, you need to sleep at least seven hours every single night and have a great routine that will help you make the most of your morning. If you’re looking for such a routine yourself, here are a few tips that might help you maximize your morning hours.
Wake up on time
Even though sleeping in and waking up at noon sounds like the best idea in the world, this is actually not the ideal scenario. Different people have different needs when it comes to sleep – it all depends on their age, among other things – and not all of us prefer spending ten hours a night in bed. That’s why finding the right time to wake up is the first step in your perfect morning routine.
Some men love waking up at 6 AM, while others prefer getting out of bed three hours later. Whichever alternative you opt for, though, you need to stick to your wake up time instead of introducing too many changes too often.
Don’t check your phone
This is a common mistake people all over the world are making these days. Just a couple of decades ago, we didn’t have the technology we have today, which is why people didn’t have a smartphone next to their bed. However, today’s generations are addicted to their phones, which is why so many men check their phone immediately after waking up.
Still, just because so many guys out there are acting this way doesn’t mean you have to do that as well. On the contrary, you should remember that checking your phone is one of the worst things you can do in the morning, and this is definitely something that shouldn’t be a part of your morning routine. Instead, you should try stretching, doing yoga, or even going to the bathroom.
Take care of your body
Speaking of going to the bathroom, this is a crucial part of your morning routine. This is the perfect moment to take a shower and take care of your body – from your hair to your skin, every inch of your body deserves constant care if you want to look amazing every day of the week.
Therefore, start looking for the right products that could help you do that as soon as possible. From a great aftershave to a reliable organic dandruff shampoo that will make your hair look better than ever – these simple things are everywhere around us, and using them every single morning is simply a must if you want to look and feel wonderful.
Hit the gym
It doesn’t matter if you want to lose some weight or just wish to get some muscles, joining a gym and going there regularly is one of the best ways to do so. This is also an amazing way to start your morning and make sure you’re in for a productive day.
Working out in the morning comes with a number of benefits, including boosting your activity level, burning more fat, and lowering your blood pressure, so include this activity into your morning routine as well. Of course, you can also opt for other forms of physical activity – cycling, jogging, hiking, or yoga, for instance – in case you’re not a fan of gyms, and the results are pretty much the same.
Once you’ve completed all these things, you’re ready to have an amazing breakfast and finally start your day. Trust us, after such a morning routine, you’ll feel energized and ready to conquer the world!
Peter Minkoff is a lifestyle writer at Bond magazine. Follow Peter on Twitter for more tips.
In this installment of a five part series titled “Things Men Don’t Want to Talk About” for the Manlihood ManCast, Josh Hatcher of Manlihood.com talks about sexual abuse.
Here’s some information on male sexual abuse from 1in6.org
A 2005 study conducted by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, on San Diego Kaiser Permanente HMO members, reported that 16% of males were sexually abused by the age of 18.1
A 2003 national study of U.S. adults reported that 14.2% of men were sexually abused before the age of 18.2
A 1998 study reviewing research on male childhood sexual abuse concluded that the problems is “common, under-reported, under-recognized, and under-treated.”3
A 1996 study of male university students in the Boston area reported that 18% of men were sexually abused before the age of 16.4
A 1990 national study of U.S. adults reported that 16% of men were sexually abused before the age of 18.5
That 1 in 6 statistic is based on reported, documented cases. There is a lot of reason to believe that the number is higher.
Men who have experienced sexual abuse in their past are very likely to experience these issues:
Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder and depression.
Alcoholism and drug abuse.
Suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts.
Problems in intimate relationships.
Underachievement at school and at work.
Bottom line is – Men don’t like to talk about it. But maybe we should. Maybe not out in the open in front of everybody, if that makes you uncomfortable – but find someone you can trust and talk about it. See a counselor if you’ve found yourself struggling with depression, or ptsd, or suicidal thoughts.
You are not alone
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It’s almost uncommon when a man decides he wants to be a better husband. I called you today has almost eliminated any kind of self-improvement when it comes to relationships. It gets hard, so people just give up.
But we’re going to look at that question.
How can I be a better husband
Become a better listener
Men, we tend to listen just enough to hear the problem and try to fix it. Women often don’t want you to fix the problem but rather just to listen. That’s frustrating for us.
Women, on the other hand, need to talk about their feelings. And that’s okay.
But to be a better husband we need to be a better listener. There’s a degree of empathy that we have to cultivate. We need to just sit in the moment with her while she works through what she’s feeling. It’s not about feeling sorry for her. It’s about acknowledging that she has feelings.
I think this video illustrates the point very well.
Control your reactions
When we react to every stimulus and every circumstance, it creates a tension between a husband and a wife. If you want to be a better husband, learn to suppress the immediate emotional response to the stimulus that your wife is putting out.
Men, we like to think that we are not emotional, or that we are more stoic than women. We are often just as emotional and we have very emotional reactions. Our emotions usually manifest as anger and frustration.
The first step in controlling your emotions is recognizing when they happen. Make a conscious effort today to pay attention to the things that get you riled up. You have to choose to deliberately react the opposite way.
It’s going to feel weird at first. She may even pick up on the emotion behind your control and try turn it into a fight.
Take a breath and react with love rather than anger.
Reevaluate your priorities.
For many years the husband was the sole provider in his home. It is still the case in some homes.
Regardless of who brings home the bacon, here are some vestigial remnants of the days when the husband was the hunter-gatherer. Most of those remnants are thought patterns in our own minds.
We feel that we have to give our families more. We feel that they deserve a better life or better social standing or more activities or more material things.
I do believe that it’s important for us to work, and it’s important for us to be a part of providing for our family. But we have to make sure that we don’t prioritize the material things over our presence in our home.
Our families are of a higher priority than the things that we possess. Our marriage is of a higher priority than any other relationships. If you want to be a better husband make sure that you value that relationship above anything else.
Correct her gently.
Wives don’t like to be told they’re wrong.
To be fair nobody likes to be told they’re wrong. A good husband can gently correct and lead his wife when she’s making a mistake. And this goes both ways. She also can gently correct you when you’re making a mistake.
If you are overly critical, He will tear her down. If you are overly passive, she will never know that what she’s done has wronged you. There is a fine line of balance right in the middle where we are gentle, humble, and kind but also truthful.
Guard against temptation.
A friend once told me he had a deal with his wife. In their relationship, there were no barriers for him to go to strip clubs or watch porn. She said, “I don’t care where you get your appetite as long as you come home for dinner.”
Some of us might think we would appreciate that kind of “freedom.” But I know that that can be a dangerous path to tread.
Your marriage vows are sacred. If you use other women to satisfy or inflame your sexual desires, you may very well find yourself giving into the temptation of having an affair.
Adultery isn’t just an old-fashioned sin. It’s the number one cause of divorce. Some people have come to the place where they don’t even care about the wrongness of it anymore and have an open relationship, where they sleep with whoever they want.
I know I sound old-fashioned but I just don’t see that as a good thing.
If you want to preserve the sanctity of your sexual relationship, you need to train your mind to shut out external sources of sexual desire.
We’re men. We’re always going to notice beauty. But to notice and mentally acknowledge beauty has to be tempered with mental discipline. Learn to tell your mind to stop before it goes down the rabbit trail of imagination.
That may mean that you have to take away the bait. For many years, there were television shows that I couldn’t watch, because I found myself focused on the woman in the bikini or the low-cut top. It wasn’t a trashy show, but I felt attracted to the actress, and seeing her would stir up temptation. I did not have the mental discipline to watch that show, because my mind wanted more. I went back and watched the show years later, and it didn’t bother me the same as it did when I had less control.
Your situations may be different, but I do believe that the principle is the same. Don’t go to the donut shop if you can’t say no to a donut.
Get used to being wrong
A wise couple once told my wife and I that to really do marriage well, you have to ask yourself the question:
Do I want to be married, or do I want to be right?
The truth in that question is everything. There are times when you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are right about something. She disagrees. Before it becomes an argument – you really have to contextualize the issue. Is it worth a fight? Can you be humble enough to let the situation play out?
Don’t say I told you so
In a follow up to the scenario I just posed – you know you’re right – and she disagrees, but you decide it’s not worth the fight. The situation comes full circle, and it is proven you were right all along…
Do you gloat? Do you find a way to get your glory? Do you say, “I told you so, honey!” You may have the upper hand, but taking glory in it is only going to push her down and build you up. That’s the opposite of how this should work.
Cosmic alignment
What does astronomy (or astrology) have to do with your marriage? Absolutely Nothing.
But I use those words for a reason. Many husbands have set their whole universe to revolve around their wife. I know I told you that she needs to be your highest priority. But if she is the sun to your planets, the center of your universe – you will cause your marriage to suffer.
If your marriage is a galaxy, you are two planets locked in orbit together around a greater gravitational force. Not a moon or a planet revolving around each other.
You each have to have friends and connections and interests apart from each other. She cannot fulfill every one of your needs. You cannot fulfill every one of hers. You need brotherhood. She needs sisterhood. You need hobbies. She needs hobbies. You need things you can do together, but you also need to have somewhere to go or something to do occasionally to remind yourselves that you are not the only two souls in the universe.
Ask her
Have the conversation with your wife. What do you need from me? How can I be a better husband?
Each of you take a piece of paper. Tell her you are going to write down a number from 1 to 10 on performance as a husband. Ask her to do the same. Then trade papers.
Don’t be hurt or offended if hers is less than you need it to be. Ask her for ONE thing you can work on over the next couple weeks to level up a notch. Let her know that you are committed to improvement, but you can’t fix everything overnight – so ONE thing is a good place to start.
Don’t ask her to do the same job of rating herself as a wife. If she offers, accept it. Chances are she will. But don’t make this about criticizing her – make this about improving yourself.
If she’s willing to talk about what you need to improve, be humble, teachable, and don’t make excuses. If you think she’s wrong – carefully listen to what she’s saying, and commit to take it seriously and to work on it.
Get help
Nobody likes marriage counseling. It’s like going to the dentist. But if you find that you can’t work through the issues you’re facing without fighting- it may be time to call a pastor, a counselor, a marriage therapist, and to sit down and talk through the issues together. There’s no shame in it. But don’t go in with the goal of proving her wrong. Go in with the goal of fixing yourself.
If you are asking questions about how to be a better husband, this is good. Many men do not even care to explore the questions. They just assume it will happen. They just assume they are good. They follow their feelings rather than their principles and integrity. And then they react emotionally when things come crashing down. Don’t be like those men. Dig into what it means to be a good husband.
I’ll contend that to be a better husband, you should start with trying to be a better man independently of her. You commit to self-improvement whether she does or not. You commit to be the best version of yourself. Most of the time – she’ll follow suit. She wants to see you improve – and she is designed to follow your lead. If you aren’t improving – she can’t. Don’t do it for her. Do it for yourself. Even if she says, “Dude, this is over. I’m done.” — being a better man is the right answer! You’ll never survive marriage or divorce if you don’t commit to bettering yourself.
