New book on Amazon!
Josh Hatcher has published a new book on Amazon! It’s a book of “manly” poems. You should definitely check it out!
While you’re there, make sure you snag these books too!
personal development for men
Lion or Lamb? Embracing your lionhood
We’ve long said that March comes in and goes out inversely like a Lion or a Lamb. The thought of being one or the other may be a bit frightening for men. Especially in a culture that no longer appreciates the fierce and bold virtues that once marked manhood.
“Truth be told, most of us are faking our way through life. We pick only those battles we are sure to win, only those adventures we are sure to handle, only those beauties we are sure to rescue.”― John Eldredge, Wild at Heart Revised and Updated: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s
For the last century – the idea of manhood has been unappealing. To be strong, courageous, willing to fight, the smell of hard work, the hair on our face and bodies- it’s all been painted as slobbish, beastly, and uncivilized.
Not to downplay or insult the contributions of women, but fighting, working, and rough men have built our civilization. Now that it’s built, and civilization lies comfortably on memory foam beds drinking foamy coffee drinks, we have invented a derision against the wild, raw, strength of man.
You, sir, are a lion. Wild, strong, beastly, and capable of crushing skulls with your bare hands. It doesn’t mean you will crush skulls, but it means you could. Knowing when to crush them and when not to crush them is what builds civilization.
As a man who is truly a lion, your strength must be tempered, disciplined, and reserved. Let them feel the weight of who you are. Walk into a room with confidence, and they’ll see your strength and your wildness, and know they don’t want to mess with that. When they see your gentleness, kindness, and temperament, they’ll respect it more, knowing the strength behind it.
Have you ever met that young soldier who comes back from bootcamp to visit with his family? He is lean, strong, fierce, and ready for battle. But there’s this sense of self-confidence and self-control about him. He went away a boy, and he came home a man. He’s been trained in hand-to-hand combat, and in peak-physical condition. But he looks you in the eye, he shakes your hand firmly, and stands up straight. That lion is there. He’s not a “tame lion” – but he’s a good one.
William Wallace – #mancrushmonday
Every Monday At Manlihood.com – we celebrate men of courage, valor, creativity, innovation, and honor. We celebrate men who have accomplished great things, that have set good examples, and then have made the world a better place. This is #mancrushmonday
While our current picture of William Wallace is definitely shaped by Mel Gibson in Braveheart, it’s important to remember that Williams Wallace was actually a man who stood up and defended his homeland with courage and valor.
He’s honored as a hero of Scotland, and even those without Scottish heritage view h
im with respect and awe.
According to Wikipedia:
Sir William Wallace (Gaelic: Uilleam Uallas; Norman French: William le Waleys;[2] died 23 August 1305) was a Scottish knight who became one of the main leaders during the Wars of Scottish Independence.[3]
Along with Andrew Moray, Wallace defeated an English army at the Battle of Stirling Bridge in September 1297. He was appointed Guardian of Scotland and served until his defeat at the Battle of Falkirk in July 1298. In August 1305, Wallace was captured in Robroyston, near Glasgow, and handed over to King Edward I of England, who had him hanged, drawn, and quartered for high treason and crimes against English civilians.
Since his death, Wallace has obtained an iconic status far beyond his homeland. He is the protagonist of Blind Harry‘s 15th-century epic poem The Wallace and the subject of literary works by Sir Walter Scott and Jane Porter, and of the Academy Award-winning film Braveheart (1995).
While many quotes from the movie Braveheart are attributed to the actual William Wallace – these quotes are actually his.
We come here with no peaceful intent, but ready for battle, determined to avenge our wrongs and set our country free. Let your masters come and attack us: we are ready to meet them beard to beard.
Statement before the Battle of Stirling Bridge (11 September 1297), as quoted in History of Scotland (1841) by Patrick Fraser Tytler, p. 121
I have brought you to the ring, now dance if you can.
Statement before the Battle of Falkirk (21 July 1298); as quoted in The Story of England (1909) by Samuel B. Harding
I can not be a traitor, for I owe him no allegiance. He is not my Sovereign; he never received my homage; andwhilst life is in this persecuted body, he never shall receive it. To the other points whereof I am accused, I freely confess them all. As Governor of my country I have been an enemy to its enemies; I have slain the English; I have mortally opposed the English King; I have stormed and taken the towns and castles which he unjustly claimed as his own. If I or my soldiers have plundered or done injury to the houses or ministers of religion, I repent me of my sin; but it is not of Edward of England I shall ask pardon.
Statement at his trial, rejecting the assertion he was a traitor to Edward I of England (23 August 1305), as quoted in Lives of Scottish Worthies (1831) by Patrick Fraser Tytler, p. 279
My Son, Freedom is best, I tell thee true, of all things to be won. Then never live within the Bond of Slavery.
As quoted in William Wallace, Guardian of Scotland (1948) by Sir James Fergusson, p. 4
Lion or Lamb? Finding balance (Part 1)
We’ve long said that March comes in and goes out inversely like a Lion or a Lamb. The thought of being one or the other may be a bit frightening for men. Especially in a culture that no longer appreciates the fierce and bold virtues that once marked manhood.
Lambs are weak. Lions are strong.
As we explore this concept, I will admittedly tell you, most of the time, I think we should err on the side of the lion. I think that we should strive to be brave, and fierce. We should strive to lead the pride, rather than to frolic in the fields, and cower at the thought of wolves.
With that said, I think that even the fiercest and strongest war-like man has to know that there’s a part of him that has to fall in line. A part of him that must be subdued and soft.
A hardened soldier can indeed have tea with his daughter, and can indeed love a woman gently, and can indeed hold back the power and rage in order to communicate with his people diplomatically. Perhaps these qualities aren’t really “lamb-like” after all – but they are certainly not wild.
“For after years of living in a cage, a lion no longer even believes it is a lion . . . and a man no longer believes he is a man.”
― John Eldredge, Wild at Heart Revised and Updated: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul
I don’t want to see men tamed. I think it’s a dangerous thing to take a lion and to train him to be a house-cat. When I talk about finding balance, I don’t mean that men should be tamed. I think they should be TEMPERED. Men, finding balance does not mean that you are abandoning your lionhood in order to be a lamb.
When I was a child, my dad and I loved to wrestle. His strength was and still is baffling. I’ve watched him lift things no man should lift. I’ve felt the strength in his grip. As we would wrestle, he’d show me that strength, but it was always measured and held back. I always knew that this man had the power to crush my little skull with his bare hands, and the fact that he didn’t showed me more about his strength than anything. He was wild like a lion, but he was tempered.
As we explore what it means to be a lion, and what we can learn from the lamb – let’s strive to be balanced. Let’s strive to be men who embrace the fullness and wildness that is in us, but we must keep it tempered and in check, because that is what a good man is. Each use of our strength and wildness is carefully measured and used in ways that make those around us better, and keeps them safe.
Martin Luther – #mancrushmonday
Martin Luther lived at a time when having an opinion different than that of the catholic church could cost you your head.
After observing corruption and hypocrisy, He formed opinions about God and the Bible that flew in the face of the religious elite of his day.
So he wrote them down, and then literally NAILED THEM TO THE DOOR of the catholic church.
That brave act of defiance completely and in many ways changed the world. And even though the catholic church rejected Luther’s new teachings, many of his challenges led the church to clean up and reform many of its practices.
According to Wikipedia
Martin Luther (/ˈluːθər/;[1] German: [ˈmaɐ̯tiːn ˈlʊtɐ] ( listen); 10 November 1483 – 18 February 1546) was a German professor of theology, composer, priest, monk[2] and a seminal figure in the Protestant Reformation.
Luther came to reject several teachings and practices of the Roman Catholic Church. He strongly disputed the claim that freedom from God’s punishment for sin could be purchased with money, proposing an academic discussion of the practice and efficacy of indulgences in his Ninety-five Theses of 1517. His refusal to renounce all of his writings at the demand of Pope Leo X in 1520 and the Holy Roman Emperor Charles V at the Diet of Worms in 1521 resulted in his excommunication by the Pope and condemnation as an outlaw by the Emperor.
Luther taught that salvation and, subsequently, eternal life are not earned by good deeds but are received only as the free gift of God’s grace through the believer’s faith in Jesus Christ as redeemer from sin. His theology challenged the authority and office of the Pope by teaching that the Bible is the only source of divinely revealed knowledge from God[3] and opposed sacerdotalism by considering all baptized Christians to be a holy priesthood.[4]Those who identify with these, and all of Luther’s wider teachings, are called Lutherans, though Luther insisted on Christian or Evangelical as the only acceptable names for individuals who professed Christ.
His translation of the Bible into the vernacular (instead of Latin) made it more accessible to the laity, an event that had a tremendous impact on both the church and German culture. It fostered the development of a standard version of the German language, added several principles to the art of translation,[5] and influenced the writing of an English translation, the Tyndale Bible.[6] His hymns influenced the development of singing in Protestant churches.[7] His marriage to Katharina von Bora, a former nun, set a model for the practice of clerical marriage, allowing Protestant clergy to marry.[8]
Check out these quotes from Martin Luther:
“To be a Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing.”
“I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer.”
“You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say.”
“Faith is a living, daring confidence in God’s grace, so sure and certain that a man could stake his life on it a thousand times.”
“I know not the way God leads me, but well do I know my Guide.”
“I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.”
“I am more afraid of my own heart than of the pope and all his cardinals. I have within me the great pope, Self.”
“Be a sinner and sin strongly, but more strongly have faith and rejoice in Christ.”
“Whatever your heart clings to and confides in, that is really your God.”
“The Bible is alive, it speaks to me; it has feet, it runs after me; it has hands, it lays hold of me.”
“If you want to interpret well and confidently, set Christ before you, for He is the man to whom it all applies, every bit of it.”
“The Gospel cannot be truly preached without offense and tumult.”
“To find Christ in such poverty, and what his swaddling clothes and manger signify, are explained … that his poverty teaches how we should find him in our neighbors, the lowliest and the most needy; and his swaddling clothes are the holy Scriptures; that in actual life we should incline to the needy; and in our studies and contemplative life only to the Scriptures; in order that Christ alone may become the man of both lives and that he may everywhere stand before us.”
“A Christian man is the most free lord of all, and subject to none; a Christian man is the most dutiful servant of all, and subject to everyone.”
How to Get a Good Woman: The Art of Courtship (Part 4)
Looking for the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with? Tired of being alone? Obviously, I can’t guarantee or promise anything… but I can tell you what mindsets you need to adjust in order to find a good woman.
I’ve already admitted that I’m a bit old-fashioned. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I’m not judging anyone for living life to standards that are different than my own. I’m not demanding that everyone follow the same moral laws as myself. I shouldn’t have to make these disclaimers, but there are many men and women out there that for some reason are offended by virtue, chastity, and traditional values. To them, my assertions that we should hold on to some of the old ways, rather than throw them out and mate like bonobos are oppressive. To this I say, grow up! It’s okay to have your opinion on sexual and romantic mores, and it’s okay for me to have mine. I have settled on mine based on my faith, and they have been reinforced by my observations in my own relationships, and in others. If in the end, you think I’m wrong, and want to view these things your way, you have the freedom to do so. And I have the same freedom to see things my way. I do hope you at least give my perspective some thought.
I’m going to share my whole thoughts on “courtship” from childhood on through, because I think the whole picture helps to set the stage for healthy adult relationships.
Growing up in the 1980s, we had a constant pressure from the culture around us to “date.” Even as young as kindergarten, the kids in my class were talking about boyfriends and girlfriends and crushes. I remember yearning for the little girl who say next to me to be my girlfriend. To be honest, it was quite a distraction to my schooling. I spend the next thirteen years writing love poetry and “do you like me” notes. While I always wanted a steady girlfriend, I really didn’t have one until my senior year. And then I had a couple of girlfriends. ( at different times.)
Looking back on things, I wish I had the perspective that I have developed now, on the other side.
Younger kids shouldn’t be worried about this stuff. Elementary and middle school is too young to be wasting emotional strength on the ups and downs of romance. Kids will have crushes, but they should be taught to keep their emotions in check, and to develop friendships.
Older kids should be able to “date.” I use the word date hear differently than I used it earlier.
I don’t think that they should “go steady” until they are adults. If a young girl wants to go to the movies with one boy one weekend, and to dinner with another boy the next – I think this should be not only socially acceptable, but encouraged.
I think that until you’re old enough to actually get married and make life-long commitments (and that age is adulthood, by the way) then they shouldn’t be living in a committed relationship.
So many young “ boyfriends and girlfriends” have built up this committed relationship, and invested their hearts, and sometimes even their sexuality into this relationship that really isn’t strong enough to survive. It’s appropriate to keep childhood romance limited, and uncommitted. Those commitments can be “practiced” as adults.
For the record, I also think parents should be closely involved and in the know with who and how kids are dating. I think sex should not be recreational for kids, and parents shouldn’t condone it, and should do their part to keep their kids from it.
As adults, I think we should start from that place of friendship and uncommitted dating.
There’s no reason to get exclusive until that dating starts to lead to a more committed relationship.
Take the time to do things together as friends. Sure, there can be a little romance in it. But guard your heart, and keep your emotions in check.
When it’s time to commit, do so with respect for each other.
For lack of a better term, let’s use the word courtship.
This is where the relationship goes through its refining phase.
“Is she the kind of person I want to marry?”
This is the primary question of courtship. Your exclusive dating relationship is about getting to know your girlfriend to determine if you can make a permanent lifelong commitment to her.
My encouragement to you is this. Before you enter courtship – make a list. What are you looking for? What are the “non-negotiables” – the things you “must have” in a spouse? What things do you prefer, but are flexible about?
When Zoe and I were in this phase of our dating relationship, she had a list of questions. I swear there were a hundred of them. We would go to the Library, and instead of studying, we would ask each other these questions. As we went through them together, we got to know each other well, and it was clear early on and that we were compatible. It’s also a great way to weed out that girl that isn’t right for you.
This is really the whole crux of courtship. Getting to know this person to make sure that you can stand to be with them for the rest of your life. The first few weeks may be pretty easy, as there’s a lot of emotion and heartbeats flowing. But if you do it right- you’ll fight. You’ll find things you disagree on. Part of what makes it work is when you determine whether these moments are deal-breakers or not. If you find out she LOVES Justin Bieber music, and you can’t stand it – it might just be a dealbreaker. She will find out things about you that also may be dealbreakers.
That is part of the process.
It may take months, it may take years. Whatever it takes, just make sure that you don’t cloud it with hormones and emotions. Think clearly, and act clearly.
Again, I’m old-fashioned, so I think sex at this point is not appropriate. I think that should wait for marriage, and I think that not just because I’m a Christian, but because I think it makes sense to save that for your committed life partner.
Engagement is the next step after courtship. This is the part of your relationship where you are planning and preparing for a wedding. Don’t propose until you know that you want to marry her – because to propose marriage is a very serious commitment. You shouldn’t just walk away from an engagement because you found out she likes the Steelers and you like the Bills. Engagements are serious business, and they should only be entered when you are actually ready to start planning the marriage. Timeframe depends on each relationship, but if you are trying to save sex for marriage, I recommend a short engagement. The longer you have to wait, the easier it is to fall into that pattern.
Marriage, once you’ve reached that point, is forever.
I could write entire books just on this topic, but I want to make very clear, that while I understand there are legitimate reasons for divorce – if you enter your marriage with that as a potential “out” – it’s a lot easier to choose to take the out.
Marriage isn’t for the faint of heart. I do believe any two idiots can make one work, if they both work… in fact, in parts of the world, people don’t even meet their spouse till their wedding day, and they stay married for the entire lives. So don’t tell me it’s possible.
If you want to make a marriage work, it’s important to understand not only is it meant to be forever, but it’s built on love. And love is not a feeling it’s a choice.
You choose to love her, even when you don’t feel it.
You don’t walk away just because you “fell out of love.” I contend that rather, you choose to love, and you can make her fall back in love with you.
I know these thoughts may seem counter-cultural and controversial. I’m perfectly fine with that.
If you have read them, considered them, and still don’t agree with them – that’s fine. It doesn’t change my opinion that yours is a different one.
Martin Luther King, Jr – #mancrushmonday
Every Monday At Manlihood.com – we celebrate men of courage, valor, creativity, innovation, and honor. We celebrate men who have accomplished great things, that have set good examples, and then have made the world a better place. This is #mancrushmonday
Today’s ManCrushMonday is truly an American hero.
I’m not entirely sure why this great country became so corrupted by racism. I’m not sure why men and women were not treated with the respect and dignity that we all deserve.
I’m not sure why it still happens today, and I’m not sure how to make it all go away.
But what I can tell you is that Martin Luther King, Jr. built a legacy that is unrivaled, and all of us today would learn well from the lessons he taught about fighting for equality in a dignified and yet fiery way.
According to Wikipedia:
Martin Luther King Jr. (born Michael King Jr., January 15, 1929 – April 4, 1968) was an American Baptist minister and activist who was a leader in the African-American Civil Rights Movement. He is best known for his role in the advancement of civil rights using nonviolent civil disobedience based on his Christian beliefs.
King became a civil rights activist early in his career. He led the 1955 Montgomery bus boycott and helped found the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC) in 1957, serving as its first president. With the SCLC, King led an unsuccessful 1962 struggle against segregation in Albany, Georgia (the Albany Movement), and helped organize the 1963 nonviolent protests in Birmingham, Alabama. King also helped to organize the 1963 March on Washington, where he delivered his famous “I Have a Dream” speech. There, he established his reputation as one of the greatest orators in American history.
On October 14, 1964, King received the Nobel Peace Prize for combating racial inequality through nonviolent resistance. In 1965, he helped to organize the Selma to Montgomery marches, and the following year he and SCLC took the movement north to Chicago to work on segregated housing. In the final years of his life, King expanded his focus to include opposition towards poverty and the Vietnam War, alienating many of his liberal allies with a 1967 speech titled “Beyond Vietnam“.
In 1968, King was planning a national occupation of Washington, D.C., to be called the Poor People’s Campaign, when he was assassinated on April 4 in Memphis, Tennessee. His death was followed by riots in many U.S. cities.
King was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom and the Congressional Gold Medal. Martin Luther King Jr. Day was established as a holiday in numerous cities and states beginning in 1971, and as a U.S. federal holiday in 1986. Hundreds of streets in the U.S. have been renamed in his honor, and a county in Washington State was also renamed for him. The Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial on the National Mall in Washington, D.C., was dedicated in 2011.
Check out these inspiring quotes from Dr. King.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches
“I have decided to stick to love…Hate is too great a burden to bear.”
― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches
“Faith is taking the first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.”
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
― Martin Luther King Jr., I Have a Dream: Writings and Speeches That Changed the World
“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
“Let no man pull you so low as to hate him.”
― Martin Luther King Jr., A Knock at Midnight: Inspiration from the Great Sermons of Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr.
“There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.”
― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches
“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
“Intelligence plus character-that is the goal of true education.”
“We must come to see that the end we seek is a society at peace with itself, a society that can live with its conscience.”
“Everybody can be great…because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”
“A man who won’t die for something is not fit to live.”
― Martin Luther King Jr., The Autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr.
“No one really knows why they are alive until they know what they’d die for.”
“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.”
“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”
The Avett Brothers – Ain’t No Man #manlymusicfriday
At Manlihood.com our mission is to educate, equip and entertain men in an engaging way. Fridays, we focus a bit on the entertainment, offering #manlymusicfriday – where we feature songs from a variety of genres that reflect the values of true masculinity. Want more ManlyMusic? Check out our playlist on Spotify!
The Avett Brothers are one of my favorite acts. Their hard rock sensibilities when coupled with their hillbilly anthems and sweet balladry are poignant and haunting.
This song has a fantastic message though – a simple reminder that no other man is meant to be our hope or our strength. Personally, I think this points us to someone of a Higher Authority – but whether or not that’s the other’s intent doesn’t matter as much as the simple fact that too often we are looking for saviors when we should be the ones offering love and hope.
“Ain’t No Man”
There ain’t no man can save me
There ain’t no man can enslave me
Ain’t no man or men that can change the shape my soul is in
There ain’t nobody here who can cause me pain or raise my fear
Cause I got only love to share
If you’re looking for truth I’m proof you’ll find it there
You got to serve something, ain’t that right?
I know it gets dark, but there’s always a light
You don’t have to buy in to get into the club
Trade your worries
You gotta show up if you wanna be seen
If it matters to you ma, it matters to me
I’m going to fall hard, yeah I know I am
When the crowds crack up, I laugh with them
There ain’t no man can save me
There ain’t no man can enslave me
Ain’t no man or men that can change the shape my soul is in
There ain’t nobody here who can cause me pain or raise my fear
Cause I got only love to share
If you’re looking for truth I’m proof you’ll find it there
You say you look funny, I say you’re a star
I say you’re whatever you think you are
Watch the naysayers fall right in line
If we believe that they’ll say, “She is so pretty, he is so fine”
There ain’t no man can save me
There ain’t no man can enslave me
There ain’t no man or men that can change the shape my soul is in
There ain’t nobody here who can cause me pain or raise my fear
Cause I got only love to share
If you’re looking for truth I’m proof you’ll find it there
You got to go somewhere, ain’t that true?
Not a whole lotta time for me or you
Got a whole lotta reasons to be mad, let’s not pick one
I live in a room at the top of the stairs
I got my windows wide open and nobody cares
And I got no choice but to get right up when the song comes through
There ain’t no man can save me
There ain’t no man can enslave me
There ain’t no man or men that can change the shape my soul is in
(That can change the shape my soul is in)
There ain’t nobody here who can cause me pain or raise my fear
Cause I got only love to share
If you’re looking for truth I’m proof you’ll find it there
If you’re looking for truth I’m proof you’ll find it there
If you’re looking for truth I’m proof you’ll find it