John Eldredge – #ManCrushMonday
“Deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.” _ John Eldredge, Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul
relationships
The Perils of Passivity: Take Responsibility
I heard this as a boy constantly. Even as a young man.
Probably because I was always making excuses and passing the buck.
“You need to take responsibility for your own actions!”
I have to admit – I never really understood it for a long time. I think it was coupled with and amplified by an irrational fear that I held on to for many years. I was afraid that I would get in trouble for something I didn’t do – or that wasn’t my fault. As a result, I think I tried to make everything “not my fault.”
I don’t know. I’m not really a psychologist, so I don’t really know the answers to all that – but what I do know – is that somewhere along the line – that vague concept of responsibiity started to make sense to me.
Someone told me once, “If you want to get out of the mess you are in – you need to embrace the fact that you are in the position you are in because of the choices you have made.”
I’ll be honest. This pissed me off. As I look back at my twenty-some year old self, I can see that I was an idiot – and I blamed my financial situation on the company that laid me off – on the system, which seemed designed to keep me down – on the economy – on student loan companies for tricking me into signing them – etc. etc.
Now, I hear the echoes of those words in my ears, and I realize that I really am where I am because of the choices I have made. Some of those choices were good choices – but even good choices have tough consequences! I CHOSE to get married and have kids young. I CHOSE to drop out of school to raise my kids. I CHOSE to move back to my hometown. I CHOSE to take a job at a local company – even though I didn’t know they would lay me off.
No one is holding you down. No one is keeping you back.
Stop blaming racism, politics, bullies, your crappy parents, your ex-wife, your lack of friends or anything else for your problems.
Sometimes, I think our “problems” are really just opportunities to test our metal. We look at them as holes that we fall into, when really, they are the CHANCE to prove to ourselves and those around us just what kind of men we are!
But it won’t happen if we make excuses. It won’t happen if we blame others (even if they are too blame!)
I wish I could tell you how and where and when I learned these things. But the truth – is – somewhere along the way – it all just clicked. Somewhere – I just realized it.
If you haven’t realized it yet – if you still find yourself pissed at “the man” for holding you back – maybe it’s time to re-align your thinking. It’s time to choose to rise above – to put passivity in the trash can – and choose to claw your way forward.
Tune in Next Week, for The Perils of Passivity: Be Aggressive/Assertive/Positive
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Calling for “male leadership” is not misogynistic.
When I say, “A man needs to lead his family,” and “Men need to step up into leadership.” I get a lot of anger, resentment, hostility, and vitriol directed my way.
I understand that a lot of the negativity is rooted in experiences with misogynistic tyrants who ruled over their family with a case of beer and a drunken fist.
I also understand that not every family looks the same.
I am not saying that men are somehow “entitled” to “rule” over their families.
I am not saying men need to outrank women. We are n
I think the word “leadership” has a lot of negative connotations attached to it, and I think it’s time to understand that to LEAD is not to DOMINATE.
In my family, my wife and I CO-lead. There are times when I lead her, and times when she leads me.
Leadership is service. It’s responsibility. It’s influence.
It’s a GOOD thing when men embrace this with humility and with a desire to learn how to lead better.
50 Rules for Dads of Daughters
1. Love her mom. Treat her mother with respect, honor, and a big heaping spoonful of public displays of affection. When she grows up, the odds are good she’ll fall in love with and marry someone who treats her much like you treated her mother. Good or bad, that’s […]
5 Things I’ve Learned in 5 Years of Marriage
David Valentine Only a year and a half into our “fairytale” marriage, there was doubt we would be married another year. We entered this journey prepared—at least we thought we were prepared. For years prior to our wedding day we both read relationship books like addicts getting their fix. […]
Click here to view original web page at www.relevantmagazine.com
Romance on a Shoestring
By Josh Hatcher
Buy her flowers, they said.
Buy her diamonds, they said.
She’ll love you forever they said.
BZZZZZZZZT! Wrong Answer.
While giving gifts, and going out for a nice dinner is certainly an important part of the modern courtship ritual… romance does not have to cost you an arm and a leg. Spending lots of money does not necessarily communicate love. And spending money that you don’t have to build a relationship with someone means that you’ll pay for it later, and possible in more ways than one as debt collectors and credit card companies start calling, and eventually, an adjustment in lifestyle to match your income may cause relationship frustration, if you’ve set expectations for an expensive romance.
Let’s look at some ways you can be romantic, and communicate love, without breaking out the plastic, and without spending all your cash.
1. Letters.
In this day and age of testing and facebook, we’re missing out on a classic and in fact, classy form of communication that will melt her heart, and make her love you more. Take the time to grab a piece of paper and a pen. If you’re really cheap you’ll write on the back of old bills or envelopes or napkins, but if you’re going to spend money, buy a nice notebook, a legal pad, or some nice stationary.
Write out your affections, and the reason behind them.
Don’t just say, “I love you.” Write WHY you love her.
Reminisce about some time you have spent together, and talk about how it made you feel. A) Women love that stuff. B) You’d be surprised how communicating your feelings on paper, and with a pen, rather than a touch screen keyboard actually makes you appreciate your sweetheart.
Spend the money to send it through the mail. Who DOESN’T like getting an actual letter in the mailbox? Even if you’ve been married and living in the same house for 15 years, a handwritten letter and envelope feels great to receive.
Total Cost:
45 cents to a dollar for postage
1-5 dollars for a notebook (free if you write it on a napkin)
.25 – 2 dollars for a pen. (free if you take one from the bank.)
2. Picnic
The art of the picnic. You don’t need to go out for a fancy meal. Make sandwiches from home. (Tuna fish or peanut butter is cheap!) Or – if you want to spend a little, snag a hot and ready $5 pizza, a $5 footlong sub, or some $1 cheeseburgers, fill your water bottles with ice water or iced tea, put it in a bag, a basket or a box. Don’t forget plates and silverware if you need them, and grab an old sheet or a blanket, and pick out your spot.
Every community has some kind of park. Many of them have picnic tables. Most of them have a grassy area. Spread out your sheet or blanket, and eat together.
Remember, conversation is more important than the food. So ask questions about her, and listen to her responses.
If the weather isn’t cooperating, consider a picnic at the library, at the mall, in the living room of your apartment, or even in the car, parked in an interesting place.
Cost:
Minimal, depending on food choices.
3. Sticky Notes.
You can grab a multi-pack of sticky notes at the dollar store. Write little things you love about your sweetheart, and leave a trail of them.
4. Remember Remember the Fifth of November
Forget V is for Vendetta, but remember important anniversary dates. Get a calendar and ink it in – or if you use google calendar, or your iphone, set a recurring reminder. But don’t just remember wedding anniversaries. Remember any important date that you can.
You can also take a few minutes and do the math. Calculate on a random day how many days, hours, weeks, months, you’ve been together, and throw a surprise celebration.
Cost: None.
5. Think outside the box.
If you really want to be a romantic without breaking the bank, the secret is just to be creative, and to find things to do that don’t cost any money, or that cost very little.
It’s often the creative thought itself that communicates the romance, more than the activity or the gift.
Five Things not to do on a First Date
By Michael Miller
We are men. Even if we happen to be young men, we are still men. We generally spend a lot of time thinking about women. Most of us have been on at least a handful of first dates. The excitement of going out with a beautiful woman, the anxiety of hoping we impress her, the ambivalent feelings about what to do or what to say.
The time comes and our heart pounds ferociously as the jitters take over. We try to play in our mind how to act. Should we attempt to hold her hand? Should we talk about ourselves to try to impress her? Many questions just like these sprint through our mind. Well, this article is going to tell you five things that you should never, ever do on a first date. If you don’t do any of these the odds of getting a second date with your gorgeous princess will significantly increase.
1) Don’t talk about past relationships
This is a big turn off. She doesn’t want to hear about how much of an idiot Lindsay was, how controlling Debbie was, or how jealous Michelle was. She certainly doesn’t want to hear about the good times you had with Amber, how nice Mary’s boobs were, or how good of a kisser Brittany was. Do not talk about any ex during this first date – PERIOD.
2) Don’t be negative
No female is interested in a guy who complains about everything. Be positive, relaxed, and enjoy your conversations with her. She isn’t going to be impressed with you talking about how much you hate your job, how your brother irritates you, and why the President of the United States is an idiot. If you’ve had a really bad week, which happens, reschedule your date.
3) Don’t talk about yourself too much
Women want to know that a man cares about what she has to say. You need to listen more than you talk and ask appropriate questions about her. Stay engaged and talk about yourself only when she asks you direct questions about yourself. Even then, stay humble.
4) Don’t text message
On a first date, she should get all of your attention. It is completely rude to be texting your friends during a first date. Turn your phone to vibrate and resist the urge to check your text messages during the date. If you feel you need to check, just in case of emergency, excuse yourself first or go to the bathroom and do it there.
5) Don’t talk about sex
If she’s a classy gal, she won’t want to hear about your favorite position, the porno you watched last night, how great you are in the sack, how many times you’d like to “do it” per week, or how you enjoy tongue rings. The date should be about getting to know her better, but not in that way.