fatherhood

January 15 2019

MMC 51 | Things You Need To Know About Being A Dad | Manlihood ManCast

In this episode of the Manlihood Mancast, Josh Hatcher tells us what you need to know about being a dad.

Got kids? Listen, to father a child is simple. Anyone with the right equipment can impregnate a woman.

But that does not mean that fatherhood is simple. There’s a few things you need to know about being a dad.

1. This matters. A lot.

43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]
90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behaviour, Vol 14, pp. 403-26, 1978]
71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U.S. Department of Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]
63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]
90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. [Wray Herbert, “Dousing the Kindlers,” Psychology Today, January, 1985, p. 28]
71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]
75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. [Rainbows f for all God’s Children]
85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]
Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999]

Statistics

2. Don’t just BE there, BE INVOLVED

Your kids need you to be present – but that doesn’t mean in the building, playing X-Box and yelling at them. Change diapers. Show them how to treat their mother by treating her good yourself. Tell them that you love them. Laugh with them.

3. Discipline equals freedom

This little formula for success, made popular by Jocko Willink is true. Don’t get hung up on the idea that discipline is spanking. Discipline is training. Train those kids in the path they are supposed to walk. Doing so – will ensure that they have FREEDOM in the rest of their life.

4. This is hard.

I’m not gonna lie. Being a dad is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. It’s not easy to clean up puke at 2am. It’s not easy to work two jobs to pay the bills, AND make sure that my kids feel the weight of my presence in their lives. It’s not easy to try to set an example, when what I want to do is whine and gripe.

5. But it’s worth it.

Gosh, Kids are great. Watching them grow from little beans bouncing in mom’s belly to fully grown adults, making responsible choices, and working hard and contributing to society. It’s rewarding. I’ve heard it said that kids are like arrows in the hands of a warrior. (Blessed is he whose quiver is full of them.) I draw them back, aim them, and let them fly. And sometimes we miss, but seeing them hit the mark is the most rewarding feeling I’ve ever known.

6. If you wait till you’re ready, you never will.

You’ll never be able to “afford” to have kids. Having kids isn’t something you can be ready for. What you need to do the job comes with them. Pops right out with the umbilical cord. You think you aren’t ready for this, and then the doc hands you that baby, and you feel the weight of the responsibility, and the joy and pride of making a life, and all at once, you’re given what you need.

7. You have to choose.

So, you’re handed a baby and a new name (Daddy) and you now have to choose to accept the challenge. Here’s the thing. I don’t believe that rejecting it’s an option. I mean, people DO reject it. But you shouldn’t. You choose then and there to be a father. And you make that choice, day in and day out to make sure their needs are met, that the example is set for them, that they are loved, cherished, corrected, and challenged. You have to choose it.

Want to weigh in? Comment here, or log in to our private facebook group – The Manlihood Mancave to discuss this with other men!

Want more posts on Fatherhood?
Welcome to Daddyhood Part 1
Welcome to Daddyhood Part 2
Welcome to Daddyhood Part 3

Welcome to Daddyhood Part 4

Interested in more Personal development for men? Check out our website at Manlihood.com for more info!

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January 19 2015

Welcome To Daddyhood – Part 3 – Be Pro-Active

My friend Mike McAvoy is a pastor at Open Arms Community Church. I love the way he breaks down biblical truth and reframes it in ways that make sense – even if you do not subscribe to the same belief system. Many of the things I’ve learned from Mike have had a big impact on my life – but I want to share this one with you.
A Thermometer measures the temperature in the room. It is reactive. A Thermostat sets the temperature in the room. It is Pro-Active. Be a Thermostat.

The truth is that we Dad’s set the temperature of our homes – if we’re grumpy – everyone is grumpy. (Preaching to myself here folks!)

But more importantly – if we are reacting to the stress, if we are reacting to our kid’s mouthiness, if we are reacting to our frustrations with our wives, then we are operating in such a way that we are causing damage. We’re not supposed to measure the temperature – we’re supposed to set it!

Instead of REACTING to the stress of the situation – we need to be PROACTIVE – that means takign the time to think ahead and try to prevent it. It means when a situation occurs, our approach is to offer solutions, not complaints!

Tune in Next Week, for Welcome To Daddyhood: Be a Better Man
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January 12 2015

Welcome To Daddyhood – Part 2 – Be Involved

I remember the moment when I found out that my wife was not only pregnant with one child- but with TWINS. (Those twins were born on our one year wedding anniversary – which was the Fourth of July – they’ll be 16 this summer!)
It was one of the scariest and most exciting moments of my life. There was no air in that little exam room when the nurse swung around the ultrasound machine, and I saw two little lumps of love on the screen.

Being a dad has been the most rewarding thing I’ve done in this life. I hope that when I die – and people talk about me, the first thing they say is, “He was such a good dad.”

I know I’ve not been a perfect father – but I am proud of how my kids are turning out. Sometimes because of me and sometimes in spite of me.

Kids need their dads to Be Involved. This means so many things – not the least of which is conversation. Have a conversation with your kids every day. Ask about their day, about their school, about their homework.

When they are too young to talk? Talk to them anyway!
(Note – Mom needs you to be involved too – change diapers, clean up messes, rock babies to sleep)

Play games, build towers, dig holes, wrestle in the floor, and jump in leaves.
Kids love and need to have fun with Dad. Be sure to include Mom in this nonsense. She might say she doesn’t have time for such things – but she needs them too!

Kids need you to be involved in the not so fun stuff too – discipline – correction – punishment.

Dad, you really need to take the LEAD in these things – rather than just ignore them and leave them for Mom to do!

Tune in Next Week, for Welcome To Daddyhood: Be Pro-Active
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January 5 2015

Welcome To Daddyhood – Part 1 – Be Present

Fatherhood is one of those things that scares the living pants off many a young man. It’s really nothing to be afraid of – and yet it’s nothing to take lightly.
If I were to give advice to any dad, it’s to be present. Your children, from newborns to adults need their father’s to be present in their lives.

Even during those teen years when they act like you are the great satan – they need you to be present. In fact – I say especially during this time in their lives!

In today’s economy, it’s easy to be the dad that has to work overtime, or take a second job. It’s easy to get so busy working to provide for our family that we neglect them! What if we simplified our budgets, so that we lived within our means – and didn’t need to work so much?
(WHAT? DID HE JUST SAY THAT? Yes. I did.)

The truth is – our kids need our presence. They need to know we are here. If our job is to set an example for them – they need to actually see us live our lives – see how we react in situations – and experience life with us.

Your kids don’t deserve an ipad, or a new car, or whatever thing you want to give them – what they deserve is a dad who loves them and spends time with them.

I know that not every family is a clean-cut nuclear Mom and Dad at home situation – but I think ever father needs to do whatever he can to be present in the lives of his kids. If you are in a situation where you have not been – fight for it. Don’t give up till you get it. Don’t be a jerk about it – don’t “fight” mom – but “fight” whatever things tell you to just give up. Send cards, make phone calls, pay your support, and do whatever you can to be present in the lives of your children.

If you haven’t been living this way – it’s never too late to make a change. Let me encourage you to reach out to your kids – and carve out some time to show them love.

Tune in Next Week, for Welcome To Daddyhood: Be Involved
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