self help for men

April 18 2017

Sprung: Reinvigorate Your Life – Reignite your Spirit

Spring is in the air. The smell of mud and the opening of tree buds just seems to wake up not only the world outside our windows, but it seems to awaken something in us.

Men, let’s take advantage of the natural cycle of the universe to reinvigorate our lives!

Many men have a hard time with the spiritual. They struggle with the idea that spirit exists. Why? Because it’s not knowable. It’s not tangible. And talk of the spiritual gets muddied up by 18 million different religious viewpoints.

I may subscribe to one of those viewpoints, and I’m sure my writing will reflect it. But I’m not here to preach about why my viewpoint is right and others are wrong. (even if I do believe so)

What I’m here to do – is to tell you that the spiritual is real, and you’ve got to keep that fire going. Inside each of us is a spirit that drives us. It’s fueled by creativity, art, poetry, beauty. It’s fueled by thought, conversation, reading.

If you neglect the spiritual part of you, the rest of you will feel hungry for purpose and passion.

How do you reignite it, after a long “winter”?

1. Do what makes you feel alive.
I’m not saying, “ do whatever you want” or “just make yourself happy”
I’m saying, there are moments in your life when you felt alive. For me – it’s often when I’m performing music on stage, speaking to a large group of people, hiking in the woods, or writing. You might feel alive tossing the football in the backyard, hunting that big buck, or building a house. Take some time to identify what makes you feel alive – and do more of it.

2. Define or revisit your code.
Spirituality has a code of ethics. That’s why religion usually has a list of do’s and don’ts…. Because morality is closely tied with the spiritual. I know. People don’t like to think about it. I’ve already lost some of you – who can’t handle the fact that anyone would dare tell you to be moral. Take the time to define your code of ethics, or to revisit that code to make sure it lines up with who you are.

3. Try something new.
2016 was a crazy year for me. I started a new desk job, gained a bunch of weight, and neglected a number of things. I decided one day that I was sick of it and needed to change things. So I started doing and discovering things I didn’t think I could do. I hiked six miles. I lost 40 pounds. I tried on a sweatshirt that I could never wear and it fit. I ice-skated at my daughter’s birthday party. I emceed a major event (in a tux). It was just an amazing year after I decided to do new things. It made me feel like I had awakened. 2017 is shaping up even better.

April 17 2017

Michael Jordan – #mancrushmonday

Growing up the 1980’s and 90’s – there was no more truly heroic figure for most us than Michael Jordan. We wanted his shoes, we wanted to be the kind of athlete he was – wanted to jump and fly like he did….

But it is his drive and his motivation that makes him today’s Manlihood.com Man Crush Monday.

Here’s a quick bio from Wikipedia:

Michael Jeffrey Jordan (born February 17, 1963), also known by his initials, MJ,[3] is an American retired professional basketball player. He is also a businessman, and principal owner and chairman of the Charlotte Hornets. Jordan played 15 seasons in the National Basketball Association (NBA) for the Chicago Bulls and Washington Wizards. His biography on the NBA website states: “By acclamation, Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all time.”[4] Jordan was one of the most effectively marketed athletes of his generation and was considered instrumental in popularizing the NBA around the world in the 1980s and 1990s.[5]
Jordan played three seasons for coach Dean Smith at the University of North Carolina. As a freshman, he was a member of the Tar Heels’ national championship team in 1982. Jordan joined the NBA’s Chicago Bulls in 1984 as the third overall draft pick. He quickly emerged as a league star, entertaining crowds with his prolific scoring. His leaping ability, demonstrated by performing slam dunks from the free throw line in slam dunk contests, earned him the nicknames “Air Jordan” and “His Airness”. He also gained a reputation for being one of the best defensive players in basketball.[6] In 1991, he won his first NBA championship with the Bulls, and followed that achievement with titles in 1992 and 1993, securing a “three-peat”. Although Jordan abruptly retired from basketball before the beginning of the 1993–94 NBA season to pursue a career in baseball, he returned to the Bulls in March 1995 and led them to three additional championships in 1996, 1997, and 1998, as well as a then-record 72 regular-season wins in the 1995–96 NBA season. Jordan retired for a second time in January 1999, but returned for two more NBA seasons from 2001 to 2003 as a member of the Wizards.

Jordan’s individual accolades and accomplishments include five Most Valuable Player (MVP) Awards, ten All-NBA First Team designations, nine All-Defensive First Team honors, fourteen NBA All-Star Game appearances, three All-Star Game MVP Awards, ten scoring titles, three steals titles, six NBA Finals MVP Awards, and the 1988 NBA Defensive Player of the Year Award. Among his numerous accomplishments, Jordan holds the NBA records for highest career regular season scoring average (30.12 points per game) and highest career playoff scoring average (33.45 points per game). In 1999, he was named the greatest North American athlete of the 20th century by ESPN, and was second to Babe Ruth on the Associated Press’s list of athletes of the century. Jordan is a two-time inductee into the Basketball Hall of Fame, having been enshrined in 2009 for his individual career, and again in 2010 as part of the group induction of the 1992 United States men’s Olympic basketball team (“The Dream Team”). He became a member of the FIBA Hall of Fame in 2015.

And check out 25 of Jordan’s best quotes:

1. “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan

“Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence wins championships.” – Michael Jordan

“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.” – Michael Jordan

“My attitude is that if you push me towards something that you think is a weakness, then I will turn that perceived weakness into a strength.” – Michael Jordan

“You must expect great things of yourself before you can do them.” – Michael Jordan

“To be successful you have to be selfish, or else you never achieve. And once you get to your highest level, then you have to be unselfish. Stay reachable. Stay in touch. Don’t isolate.” – Michael Jordan

“Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” – Michael Jordan

“If you quit once it becomes a habit. Never quit!” – Michael Jordan

“Always turn a negative situation into a positive situation.” – Michael Jordan

“Everybody has talent, but ability takes hard work.” – Michael Jordan

“To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail.” – Michael Jordan

“Never say never, because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion.” – Michael Jordan

“Don’t let them drag you down by rumors just go with what you believe in.” – Michael Jordan

“Make it happen” – Michael Jordan

15.“If you do the work you get rewarded. There are no shortcuts in life.” – Michael Jordan

“I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan

“Once I made a decision, I never thought about it again.” – Michael Jordan

“The minute you get away from fundamentals – whether it’s proper technique, work ethic or mental preparation – the bottom can fall out of your game, your schoolwork, your job, whatever you’re doing.” – Michael Jordan

“The key to success is failure.” – Michael Jordan

“Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.” – Michael Jordan

“Learning’s a gift, even when pain is your teacher.” – Michael Jordan

“Failure is acceptable. but not trying is a whole different ball park.” – Michael Jordan

“There is no “I” in team but there is in win.” – Michael Jordan

“I play to win, whether during practice or a real game.” – Michael Jordan

“You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.”- Michael Jordan

April 11 2017

Sprung: Reinvigorate Your Life – Reboot your Body

I’m in the process of losing weight – and so I’m particularly aware of my body right now.
But i do know this – our bodies do respond to the seasons! During the winter time, it’s not unusual to pack on a few extra pounds, as we fight off the cold and are often less active.

A reboot in the spring is a great way to get things moving, and add a little more energy into your life as a whole.

I’ve found that adding movement to my routine helps me to fight off depression, keeps my focus on track, and just in general, makes me feel better!

Here are some tips for your body reboot.

1. Revisit your eating plan.
If you aren’t regularly tracking your calories, tracking them at least for a few weeks gives you a good snapshot of what your diet looks like, and if you need to adjust it. Use an app like fitbit or myfitness pal to see how many calories you should be eating, and how many you are eating. Remember – if weight loss is your goal, you have to burn more than you take in. If you want to bulk up- you’ll need to make adjustments to your diet as well. Consider paying a few bucks to meet with a nutritionist.

2. Fasting
This isn’t for everybody – but many people say that a three day fast from solid food, or maybe fasting from a particular kind of food for a week helps them to reset their cravings. There are some mental and spiritual benefits too, as the act of delaying your cravings tends to build a different layer of focus in your life. Don’t try this if you have any health issues, or without talking to a doctor.

3. Change your workout.
Fitness folks call them “plateaus” – those times when you stop losing weight (or stop building muscle) despite all your hard work. Sometimes, you need to radically change your routine to shock your body back into performance mode.
I’ve found in general, if I do the same thing all the time, I get bored with it anyway.
Take a hike instead of the treadmill. Swim instead of yoga. Mix up your strength training to try something different.

April 4 2017

Sprung: Reinvigorate Your Life – Refresh your Mind

3. Get aggressive. If you notice that you have been negative – make it a point to fight against the negative thoughts, replacing them with positive thoughts. Make a concerted effort to practice rebuking each bad thought. (out loud, if you have to!) “No. I will not think like this way!”

March 31 2017

Zac Brown Band feat. Chris Cornell – Heavy is the Head #manlymusicfriday

At Manlihood.com our mission is to educate, equip and entertain men in an engaging way. Fridays, we focus a bit on the entertainment, offering #manlymusicfriday – where we feature songs from a variety of genres that reflect the values of true masculinity. Want more ManlyMusic? Check out our playlist on Spotify!

Chris Cornell of Soundgarten and Audioslave is one of my favorite musicians. I’ve always loved his smooth bluesy grunge voice, and when he partners with country’s Zac Brown Band – look out. this song is fantastic

“Heavy Is The Head”
(feat. Chris Cornell)

[Chris Cornell:]
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
Heavy is the head that wears the crown

[Zac Brown:]
Black dog
Drinks from the water
Trying to cool his tongue
Like the king
Finds no peace
His work is never done
Night falls
Smoke on the water
Darkness closes in
Cold white hand, in the deep
Will drown you for your sins

[Zac Brown:]
It’s a lifelong expedition
Second-guessing your decisions
Trying to find out what’s been missing
Pages keep on filling

[Zac Brown:]
Crying out
Ooh go and wake the king
Call to arms
For those who kiss the ring
Stand your ground
The walls are coming down
It’s do or die
Do or die

[Chris Cornell:]
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
Heavy is the head that wears the crown

[Zac Brown:]
Mad man
Blood on the altar
The Queen will have his head
His ghosts will shake those rattling chains
Long after he’s dead
No soul knows his trouble
High upon his throne
Loved by few and judged by many
He bares that weight alone

[Chris Cornell:]
It’s a lifelong expedition
Second-guessing your decisions
Trying to find out what’s been missing
And the pages keep on filling

[Chris Cornell:]
Crying out
Ooh go and wake the king
Call to arms
For those who kiss the ring
Stand your ground
Yeah the walls are coming down
It’s do or die
Do or die

[Chris Cornell:]
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
Heavy is the head that wears the crown

March 29 2017

I can’t believe that I have to tell you this…

The world we live in is so backward sometime.
In an age of participation trophies and lifetime welfare recipients, it’s no wonder we have forgotten some of the old ways.

I’m all for giving a hungry man a fish (and teaching him to fish.) Helping the poor is a priority and something I value. When I needed help, people helped me. I would be foolish not to believe that it matters.

But that’s not what I’m saying.

What I’m saying is – if we’re not careful to teach the old ways – we lose the very cultural values that make us great.

Helping the poor is one of them, surely.

But so is this one: Work is its own reward.

A life with value is a life of hard work. Not slavery, not unfair working conditions – but good old fashioned hard work.

There is value in picking the tomatoes you planted, cashing the paycheck you earned, and enjoying the simple fruits of your labor.

Let’s not forget that, and let’s reclaim that cultural value for future generations.

March 28 2017

Lion or Lamb? Gentleman doesn’t mean pansy

We’ve long said that March comes in and goes out inversely like a Lion or a Lamb. The thought of being one or the other may be a bit frightening for men. Especially in a culture that no longer appreciates the fierce and bold virtues that once marked manhood.
Being a gentleman does not mean that a man gives up his strength – that a man is a pansy.

Interestingly enough, my grandmother always told me that a pansy was actually a tough flower. It could stand against the cold, and grow in pretty adverse conditions… it still though has a reputation for being “girly” – and the flower’s name has been embedded culturally to imply weakness or a lack of masculinity.

Men – to be a gentleman is a noble calling. It means that you treat people with respect. That you demonstrate politeness, it may mean that you are neat in your appearance, and that you have earned a degree of respect for your knowledge, your artistic abilities, your ability with words, with numbers, or some other “civilized” skill.

You might also be a lumberjack, a rig hand, or a truck drive, and be a gentleman in the way you interact with people.

But there’s definitely an element of respect shown and received, based on a degree of civility.

This civility does not erase the wild, passionate strength that lies in a man’s heart. A gentleman can hold his own in a bout of fisticuffs or fencing. He can heft a child on to his shoulders, pick up his bride to carry her over the threshhold, and defend the tender things he holds dear with ferocity and strength.

My thoughts on this are two-fold.

1. Just because you wear a tie to work, or drive a minivan, or eat kale – does not exempt you from the wilder side of manhood. Make sure that you know how to defend yourself and the things and people you love. Make sure you keep your physical body strong and ready to perform.

2. Inversely, just because you are a strong and brave, do not neglect the tender touches needed in civilized life. Say Please and Thank you. Snuggle with your children. Read poetry. These things do not affect your ability to be manly. In fact, I believe they enhance them.

Biggest-Adventures-With-Bear-Grylls-family-Everest-Kirsty-Nutkins-605300

March 27 2017

Bear Grylls – #mancrushmonday

Today’s #mancrushmonday is one of my favorites. I’ve been accused of crushing TOO hard on Bear Grylls, but the truth is – this guy is admirable, and worthy of respect.
His simple and humble spirit, combined with a ferocious drive to succeed have earned him a place in the Manlihood halls of honor.

Wikipedia says:
Edward Michael “Bear” Grylls (born 7 June 1974) is a Northern Irish born British adventurer, writer and television presenter. He is widely known for his television series Man vs. Wild (2006–2011), originally titled Born Survivor: Bear Grylls in the United Kingdom. Grylls is also involved in a number of wilderness survival television series in the UK and US. In July 2009, Grylls was appointed the youngest-ever Chief Scout in the UK at age 35.
Personal life

Grylls was born in Donaghadee, County Down, Northern Ireland.[6][7] He grew up in Donaghadee until the age of four, when his family moved to Bembridge on the Isle of Wight.[8][9]

He is the son of Conservative politician Sir Michael Grylls, who was implicated in the cash-for-questions affair, and Sarah, Lady Grylls.[10] Lady Grylls is the daughter of politician Patricia Ford,[11] briefly an Ulster Unionist Party MP, and cricketer and businessman Neville Ford. Grylls has one sibling, an elder sister, Lara Fawcett, a cardio-tennis coach, who gave him the nickname ‘Bear’ when he was a week old.[12]

Grylls was educated at Ludgrove School and Eton College, where he helped start its first mountaineering club,[13] and Birkbeck, University of London,[14] where he graduated with a degree, obtained part-time, in Hispanic studies in 2002.[15][16] He graduated from the University of West of England.[17]

From an early age, he learned to climb and sail with his father, who was a member of the prestigious Royal Yacht Squadron. As a teenager, he learned to skydive and earned a second dan black belt in Shotokan karate. He speaks English, Spanish, and French.[18] He is a Christian, and has described his faith as the “backbone” in his life.[19]

Grylls married Shara Cannings Knight in 2000.[3][11] They have three sons.[5][20] In August 2015, it was reported that Grylls had deserted his young son, Jesse, on Saint Tudwal’s Island along the North Wales coast, as the tide approached, leaving him to be rescued by the RNLI. The RNLI later criticised him for the stunt, saying its crew “had not appreciated” that a child would be involved.[21]

Military service

After leaving school, Grylls briefly considered joining the Indian Army and hiked in the Himalayan mountains of Sikkim and West Bengal.[22]

In 1996, Grylls suffered a freefall parachuting accident in Zambia. His parachute ripped at 4,900 metres (16,000 ft), partially opening, causing him to fall and land on his parachute pack on his back, which partially crushed three vertebrae. He later said, “I should have cut the main parachute and gone to the reserve but thought there was time to resolve the problem”.[23] According to his surgeon, Grylls came “within a whisker” of being paralysed for life and it was questionable whether he would ever be able to walk again. Grylls spent the next 12 months in and out of military rehabilitation at Headley Court [23]

In 2004, Grylls was previously awarded the honorary rank of lieutenant commander in the Royal Naval Reserve;[24] and in 2013 he was awarded the honorary rank of lieutenant colonel in the Royal Marines Reserve.[25]

Everest

On 16 May 1998, Grylls achieved his childhood dream of climbing to the summit of Mount Everest in Nepal, 18 months after breaking three vertebrae in a parachuting accident.[26] At 23, he was at the time among the youngest people to have achieved this feat. There is some dispute over whether he was the youngest Briton to have done so, as he was preceded by James Allen, a climber holding dual Australian and British citizenship, who reached the summit in 1995 at age 22.[27][28] The record has since been surpassed by Jake Meyer and then Rob Gauntlett who summitted at age 19. To prepare for climbing at such high altitudes in the Himalayas, in 1997, Grylls became the youngest Briton to climb Ama Dablam, a peak once described by Sir Edmund Hillary as “unclimbable”.[29]

And these are just a few of Grylls many accomplishments. This guy really is amazing.
Not only that, he is full of wisdom.

1. “Survival can be summed up in three words – never give up. That’s the heart of it really. Just keep trying.” – Bear Grylls

“A man’s pride can be his downfall, and he needs to learn when to turn to others for support and guidance.” – Bear Grylls
“The line between life or death is determined by what we are willing to do.” – Bear Grylls
“Survival requires us to leave our prejudices at home. It’s about doing whatever it takes – and ultimately those with the biggest heart will win.” – Bear Grylls
“I loved climbing because of the freedom, and having time and space. I remember coming off Everest for the last time, thinking of Dad and wishing that he could have seen what I saw. He would have loved it.” – Bear Grylls6. “All my life the only thing I’ve been good at has been climbing and throwing myself off big things.” – Bear Grylls Qu7. “As a young boy, scouting gave me a confidence and camaraderie that is hard to find in modern life.” – Bear Grylls
“To me, adventure has always been to me the connections and bounds you create with people when you’re there. And you can have that anywhere.” – Bear Grylls
“You only get one chance at life and you have to grab it boldly.” – Bear Grylls
“I am not fearless. I get scared plenty. But I have also learned how to channel that emotion to sharpen me.” – Bear Grylls

March 24 2017

The Dust of Men – Forty Days #manlymusicfriday

March 22 2017

I could rip your face off… but…

If you look around, it’s hard to believe that our peoples were once savage warriors, hard working farmers, and capable of lifting a finger to do anything other than turn on the TV.

Men, inside, you know you were made for more. You were made to be bold, brave, and fierce. To be a gentlemen doesn’t mean that you are weak. It means your strength is tempered with self-control.