The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming Masculine Sexuality with Sam Jolman | Manlihood Podcast for Men
When it comes to male sexuality, most men never got “the talk” they actually needed. Instead, we were left with a patchwork of shame, silence, and misinformation—and we’ve had to figure things out on our own.
But what if there’s a better way?
In this episode of Manlihood, host Josh Hatcher sits down with Sam Jolman, a therapist, writer, and expert on men’s issues, to discuss what it means for men to reclaim their sexuality with confidence, purpose, and joy.
🔹 Why this episode matters:
- Sex is one of the hardest topics for men to talk about—even with their wives.
- Many men struggle with shame, performance anxiety, and misconceptions about masculinity and desire.
- Cultural narratives and past experiences shape our sexuality, often in ways we don’t even realize.
- Healing is possible. The first step? Having an honest conversation.
🔥 If you’re looking for a podcast for men that gets real about topics most people shy away from, this is it.
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🧑⚕️ Meet Our Guest: Sam Jolman
Sam Jolman is a licensed professional counselor, author, and expert in men’s mental and sexual health. With over 20 years of experience, Sam specializes in:
✔️ Men’s Issues – Helping men navigate masculinity, relationships, and identity.
✔️ Marriage Counseling – Strengthening communication and emotional intimacy.
✔️ Sexual Abuse Recovery – Guiding men through the process of healing past wounds.
Sam’s journey into counseling wasn’t just professional—it was deeply personal. After experiencing his own struggles as a husband, father, and man, he realized how profoundly misunderstood male sexuality is—even within faith and mental health communities.
“So few men have had meaningful conversations around their sexuality. Maybe they got a quick anatomy lesson… or if they were in Christian communities, they got a purity lecture. But they never actually learned what it means to integrate their sexuality with being a good man.” – Sam Jolman
Sam holds a Master of Arts in Counseling from Reformed Theological Seminary and advanced training in Narrative Focused Trauma Care from The Allender Center. He’s also worked extensively in men’s wilderness retreats, using the power of nature and deep conversation to help men rediscover their identity, strength, and purpose.
📖 Read Sam’s Book: The Sex Talk You Never Got
Sam’s new book is a game-changer for men who want to reclaim their sexual confidence, break free from shame, and develop a healthy, faith-filled understanding of masculinity.
📖 Get it here: The Sex Talk You Never Got
🔗 Learn more about Sam:
- Website: https://www.samjolman.com/
- Follow Sam’s writing: samjolman.substack.com
💬 Key Takeaways from the Conversation
1️⃣ Why Men Struggle to Talk About Sex
One of the biggest barriers men face is shame. Many men feel uncomfortable discussing sex—even with their wives—because they fear judgment, rejection, or not measuring up.
“Even in long-term marriages, expressing sexual desire takes vulnerability. And that vulnerability feels risky—even with a spouse you’ve been with for decades.” – Sam Jolman
2️⃣ Men Are More Than Just a ‘Sex Drive’
Society often reduces men to their physical urges, but Sam challenges this stereotype. Men are lovers at heart. They crave more than just physical release—they seek emotional connection, acceptance, and significance.
“Men don’t just want sex. They want to feel wanted. They want to feel pursued. They want to experience real intimacy.” – Sam Jolman
3️⃣ The Impact of Past Trauma on Male Sexuality
Many men don’t realize how early experiences—whether exposure to pornography, unhealthy relationships, or sexual abuse—shape their sexual identity.
“One in six men carry sexual abuse stories. But that number is almost certainly much higher—because men are four times less likely than women to talk about it.” – Sam Jolman
Sam explains that even subtle wounds—like being emotionally used by a parent or shamed for natural curiosity—can create deep-rooted issues that manifest in adulthood.
4️⃣ Healing Starts with Awareness & Honest Conversations
For men who struggle with pornography, performance anxiety, or emotional distance in their relationships, the first step toward healing is understanding the deeper needs underneath those struggles.
“Porn addiction isn’t about sex—it’s about comfort, stress relief, or soothing deeper wounds. Until you recognize that, the cycle won’t change.” – Sam Jolman
5️⃣ How to Start the Journey Toward Sexual Wholeness
If you’re ready to reclaim your sexuality in a healthy and meaningful way, Sam suggests:
✅ Identifying past experiences that shaped your view of sex – Journaling or talking with a trusted friend can help.
✅ Having honest conversations with your wife or partner – Even when it feels awkward.
✅ Finding a mentor, counselor, or men’s group – Healing happens in community.
✅ Reframing masculinity beyond just sex drive – You are a lover, designed to embrace all aspects of life with passion and purpose.
📢 Join the Manlihood Community
👥 Want to continue these conversations? Join The Manlihood ManCave on Facebook—a private group where men support and challenge each other to become stronger, wiser, and better.
🔗 Join here: Manlihood ManCave Facebook Group
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🔥 Final Thoughts
Men, you are not alone. Every one of us has wounds, struggles, and questions when it comes to sexuality. The key is having the courage to explore them, talk about them, and heal.
This podcast for men is about breaking the silence, removing the shame, and stepping into masculinity with confidence.
💡 If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend.
🔔 Subscribe to Manlihood for more real, raw, and powerful conversations.
🖤 I love you. I’m proud of you. See you next time!
